I don’t know if anyone else out there is a fan of the series “Charmed”?  Well, I still like it, what can I say – I’m a fan of magic and possibilities!  Quick synopsis for those who have no idea what I’m talking about – 3 sister witches who battle evil to save the world, and date demons along the way.  (Don’t we all do that, LOL!?)  So on a recent episode, I thought there was an interesting correlation to Accompanying Spouses in the culture transition process.  In this episode, Cole, who is a demon one of the witches is dating, loses his powers.  He is half demon, half human, and due to an “accident”, he loses his demon powers, and becomes fully human.  As a demon, he was able to “shimmer” (call it teleport) anywhere he wanted.

As he accepts this change within himself, he goes for a walk, and on the way home, realizes he can no longer shimmer home, and walking home takes a lot longer!  He says, “I’ev always been a demon, that’s all I know.”

Now, I’m not trying to compare working to being a demon! (though I’m sure we feel like one on some occasions) but for an Accompanying Spouse who relocates to a country where they can no longer work, the transition can be quite difficult.  Especially if your job has defined who you are and you suddenly don’t have one – you will confront an identity challenge.

On this particular episode of “Charmed”, the witch dating Cole tries to have a romantic date night with him, but he is so lost in his transition that he tries to brainstorm ideas of everything they should worry about and how to tackle it, so he cannot be in the moment with his girflfriend.  In a marriage, going through this transition will also cause some challenges that each partner needs to be aware of.  It’s important to not only expect the challenges, but also to prepare some ways to handle it.  Here are a few suggestions:

1. The Accompanying Spouse, if he or she cannot work, should, as best as possible, try to commit to creative ways to create income, or, look at alternate ways to provide for the family.
2. As the ego steps in, during the process, the Expat (the partner who is working) should be prepared to talk openly, and also be aware of any changes in how you view your partner, who was once a provider, and may now be a dependent
3. Consider money issues before you move – how will you handle them
4. Make joint goals together – perhaps non-financial related – and remember to CELEBRATE when you accomplish them.  Also check in on goals you have now, and check whether any of them need to be re-prioritized or shifted, to avoid disappointment going forward.

These are just a few ideas to get you started, but as a couple, you should work together to figure out what methods you can put in place to be sure each partner feels heard, each partner remains committed to marriage goals, and there is some outlet for fun and nurturing your relationship.

* For more ideas on successfully transitioning cultures and avoiding relocation depression, click here! *