I recently read the book “The Pilgrimage” by Paulo Coelho. It’s a story of a spiritual journey one man undergoes, seemingly for his sword, and everything he learns about himself along the journey.

One paragraph in particular stood out to me with regard to the process of transitioning cultures:

“When you travel, you experience, in a very practical way, the act of rebirth.  You confront completely new situations, the day passes more slowly, and on most journeys you don’t even understand the language people speak.  So, you are like a child just out of the womb.  You begin to attach much more importance to the things around you because your survival depends upon them.  You begin to be more accessible to others because they may be able to help you in difficult situations.  And you accept any small favor from the gods with great delight, as if it were an episode you would remember for the rest of your life.”

I liked how this touched upon many of the feelings an expat may have crossing cultures.  Feeling like a child just born one can simultaneously experience great joy at discovering a new culture, and great frustration trying to learn a new language and fit in and find something familiar.  You actually notice your environment because it’s unfamiliar and you’re getting to know what parts you like and dislike, and you pay attention to how people behave, and you wonder who can help you, and even someone who just helps you with directions when you’re having a meltdown because your city map doesn’t have the tiny street you’re trying to find, and you have no idea what to do and you’re running late is like a major hero!

What are some of your memories of your early days as an expat?  Looking for an Expat Coach?  Check out The Expat Coach Directory!

I came across an interesting quote from Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love -

” I had long ago loearned that when you are the giant, alient visitor to a remote and foreign culture it is sort of your job to become an object of ridicule.  It’s the least you can do, really, as a polite guest.”

I thought that was an interesting summation of the early days of an expat experience.  Your ways are different than those around you.  Your voice, your accent, your language, your dress….everything is different.  And, as the guest in that country, if you look and dress differently than everyone else, you may find yourself subject to a certain amount of ridicule – not necessarily malicious, just noticing your differences and thinking they are funny. 

I remember my first summer living with a French host family, they found it hillariously funny, (and a bit pathetic) at how much I loved Coca Cola, and Laughing Cow processed cheese.  My host mom would buy them for me, and everyone would laugh as I happily drank coke in the place of good French wine and cheese.  (Believe me, I more than make up for these mistakes now!)  I found it funny that my host brother, Jean-Charles, who laughed loudest and longest, was helping himself to my Coca Cola after some time, but continued to laugh at me!

On one of my first trips to England, I couldn’t find Gloucester road.  I was with two friends, and since none of us had a clue where we were, I asked the nearest policeman, “Hello, could you please help us find Gloucester Road?” I asked.  But, I pronounced it as “Glow-chester” which had the officer doubled over in laughter and poking his colleague to get in on the joke!

I like Ms. Gilbert’s point – if you can get to a place of peaceful understanding that it is to be expected that people in other cultures will probably laugh at you for how you dress, behave, etc. – you won’t feel so alienated, rather, you’ll take it in stride.

What experiences have you had where you “accidentally” made someone laugh, just by being yourself in another culture?

This week, I had the honor of presenting  a workshop called, “How to Ace Your Interview Through Positive Self Perception” for a wonderful organization called Career Gear.  Career Gear helps men with difficult pasts to build brilliant futures. 

I found some of my feelings about this experience similar to transitioning cultures.  I’ve never been in a roomful of people before that have pasts including crime and incarceration, who have worked very hard to turn their lives around.  So, I had no idea what to expect.  I guess my experiences crossing cultures have taught me, first and foremost, that pre-judgments do more to hurt you than help you, and I walked into the room expecting simply mutual respect.  Well, it turned out that these men were simply brilliant – they were sensitive, had fantastic questions (in fact, so many that they asked me to come back a second time so I could continue my workshop!) and really help one another out.

I have to say that this experience made me proud to be a coach, to be able to help these guys look at their own self-perceptions, and actually shift them, was an entirely rewarding experience.  We covered a lot of ground on the interview experience – one of the things that seemed most fascinating is that we all find the interview process a challenge!  There will always be a question that we’re not comfortable with, regardless of our past, and normalizing this common feeling seemed inspiring.  (For those of you out there that may be interviewing in the US job market, one of the facts that got their attention, that might help you, is that these days your resume won’t even make it in the door unless you find the hiring manager, and properly keyword your resume.  Sending emails to the address in a job ad will land your resume in the trash, sadly.)

When we talk about transitioning cultures, we normally think about crossing countries, or even cities.  But this experience taught me how fundamental the concept of “culture” can be.  Even right within your own town, there are likely to be many cultures, existing side by side.  We may focus on the language and country ones, but I find it fascinating that culture can also apply to your background, your values, corporations, etc - and the challenges that create hardship when trying to relate can fall away with a simple tweak in perception.  I am sure that those of you reading this who are Expats or Accompanying Spouses have some experience that you approached in a specific way that caused an issue.  And then, when you changed how you looked at that same situation, you probably had an entirely different outcome.  If you apply this same principle to crossing cultures – namely changing your perception, you are likely to have a lot more success adapting to new countries, new jobs, and more!

* Need a presenter for your workshop on career or culture transition experiences?  Contact me for more information. *

My younger brother just returned from a summer in France, similar to one of my experiences as a teenager. I was reminded of the importance of music as we transition cultures.

Music tends to either remind us of past experiences, or catapult us into new ones. It may help us cry when we need to, or feel renewed, excited, and like springing into action. Sometimes it’s great for inner calm. All-in-all, music can have a profound experience on our emotions. On my first trip to France, I recorded every song I heard (virtually!) off of “NRJ” – my favorite radio station in France! (And I still don’t care that friends call my taste “Euro-Trash”, I love it! ) When I listen to those songs today, I am transported back to the wonderful memories of that moment in my life.

The other thing I have noticed, when living and traveling abroad, is that music varies dramatically from country to country – at least some of it.  If you focus on things other than the American pop songs that play everywhere, you can start journeying into the culture you’re living in.  Finding local music you enjoy can help you create new memories in your new home.  You may find yourself looking forward to hearing a certain song you love – thus creating some excitement, which can be especially helpful on days you’re feeling a little down.

Music, of course, can also lead to dance – whether you watch others such as a local cultural event, or whether you go to a dance club or bar – again music can create some enjoyment and activity for you.

So, as you transition to a new culture, here are a few ideas, revolving around music, that might help you:

1. Before you move, make a special CD or mix for your MP3 player/cell phone (whatever gadget you might use!) that reminds you of fond moments you have from home.  You can play this music whenever you feel a bit homesick to help you remember that you haven’t lost your connection to home.  You can be with it in spirit and memory any time you need it.
2. After you move, find local radio stations with the rhythms/beats/sounds you most enjoy.  (I don’t want to use terms like “rock, classical, etc.” as these may not correlate to what you have access to).  If you find any music you particularly enjoy, consider getting a CD of that artist, and going to a concert, should they play in your area – use your favorite music to get you out in the world.
3. If you hear a song several times you love, and cannot figure out the artist, then hopefully you’ll hear it one day in a local bar, cafe, etc – ask the waiter/waitress if they know the name.  This is a nice way to start a conversation, as well as helping you to connect with the local music.
4. As you find more and more music you love, make sure to collect some of the songs.  Should you eventually repatriate, you’ll have a wonderful collection of songs to connect you with the place you left

* For more ideas on successfully transitioning to a new culture, click here! *