At last – finally The New York Times has realized that expat spouses are important enough to write about, as is the loss of revenue to companies who do not take care of their happiness on an expat assignment.

Click here to read the full article – you need to read this!

If you find yourself relocating alone and feel lonely or on your own, I cannot recommend enough the power of a local restaurant offering the possibility of dining at the bar.

For some reason, Japanese restaurants offer the most welcoming of bar dining experiences in many places I have traveled. Not only do you of course get to enjoy watching the sushi chefs preparing meals, but you’re very likely to find either another lone diner, or else other people very open to a conversation outside their party.

I found myself alone for dinner one recent evening in San Francisco, so chose a recommended Japanese place (Sanraku, if you are in the area!) and sat at the bar. At some point into my meal, I ended up meeting two gentlemen at the other end of the bar who were both well traveled and multi-lingual, so we had much in common, and much to share.

The beauty of this is that you stop focusing on feeling alone because you are instantly connected to other people. Even if you don’t end up the best of friends, or ever speak or see one another again, this is a wonderful way to surround yourself with the possibility of shifting from lonely thoughts to being more connected.

I’m very excited to introduce the new and greatly improved Expat Coach Association!  For any of you out there that are Expats, Expat Coaches, Businesses, anyone at all involved in the process of transitioning cultures for work, for love, for studies, for religion, for government….we’d very much love to have you on board!

Please click here to visit the new website where you will find an FAQ section, and a video tour on our homepage, and let us know your feedback!

I recently read the book “The Pilgrimage” by Paulo Coelho. It’s a story of a spiritual journey one man undergoes, seemingly for his sword, and everything he learns about himself along the journey.

One paragraph in particular stood out to me with regard to the process of transitioning cultures:

“When you travel, you experience, in a very practical way, the act of rebirth.  You confront completely new situations, the day passes more slowly, and on most journeys you don’t even understand the language people speak.  So, you are like a child just out of the womb.  You begin to attach much more importance to the things around you because your survival depends upon them.  You begin to be more accessible to others because they may be able to help you in difficult situations.  And you accept any small favor from the gods with great delight, as if it were an episode you would remember for the rest of your life.”

I liked how this touched upon many of the feelings an expat may have crossing cultures.  Feeling like a child just born one can simultaneously experience great joy at discovering a new culture, and great frustration trying to learn a new language and fit in and find something familiar.  You actually notice your environment because it’s unfamiliar and you’re getting to know what parts you like and dislike, and you pay attention to how people behave, and you wonder who can help you, and even someone who just helps you with directions when you’re having a meltdown because your city map doesn’t have the tiny street you’re trying to find, and you have no idea what to do and you’re running late is like a major hero!

What are some of your memories of your early days as an expat?  Looking for an Expat Coach?  Check out The Expat Coach Directory!

I am a very strong advocate that if you’re moving overseas, you absolutely have to make the effort to learn a new language. In a recent moment at my gym, I was reminded of how language plays a key role in standing your ground. I was warming up for my spinning class, and another woman who takes the class was just outside the door, which is made of glass. A man in the class, left the room to get water, and opened the glass door…slamming it right into this woman…and kept walking! She confronted him and suggested he could apologize for hitting her with the door! Seems like a small thing, but if you’re in another country and cannot speak the language, something this “small” becomes an act of DISempowerment.

This is why one element of learning a foreign language is EMPOWERMENT. Let me give you a couple of personal examples.

I studied in Italy one summer, and on my return home, my flight, from Rome to New York, was delayed.  This was due to another flight, also going from Rome to New York, being canceled.  All those passengers were fighting to get seats on my flight.  There was a desk, and 2 women at computers, working on the passengers.  I soon noticed that not only were they NOT bothering to check those of us with valid seats in, but there was also no real order to anything.  I stood on the “line” as best I could, but after some time, a man walked up from behind me, looked at me with a “stupid foreigner” gaze, and stepped literally, right in front of me.  It made me feel completely disrespected, not to mention, afraid I would lose my seat to him.  Happily, I studied Italian in Italy.  So I walked up to him and said, “YO SONO PRIMA DI TE” – roughly “I am in front of you!”  He looked at me, completely shocked, and stepped out of my way!  Observing the lack of order, I then literally threw my passport onto the desk, and demanded my ticket, and got it! 

In another incident, I went to a bar in Paris with some friends.  We were minding our own businesses, when I suddenly felt the pressure of someone pushing against me from behind.  After a few moments, it still hadn’t stopped, and there was not much space for me to move.  So, I turned around and found myself face-to-face with an angry French woman.  She had the nerve to say to me, in French, “You could at least move a little!”  To that, I replied, “You could at least say ‘Excuse me’.”  Her mouth shut, she stepped back, and left me alone.

So, to anyone out there who doubts the power and important of learning a new language, I hope these examples show you otherwise!

* For more tips on learning a new language and adapting to a new culture, click here! *

Yesterday, I spent part of my day in silent meditation, and the afternoon reading a book, which felt like a luxury that I am always putting off because I am “so busy”.  This day got me thinking about the transitions we face when relocating, and how much time is spent DOING things – packing, unpacking, closing and opening a bank account, legal matters, subscriptions, and so forth.  The, after the initial settling in period is over, we bustle about trying to find friends, activities, places, some way to fit in, and truly feel settled.  Then, when we’re finally settled, we run to all our activities, rush to meet our friends, and race to train stations and airports to visit other places.

It’s no wonder, then, that wherever we are, life may feel stressful, and time may seem a resource there is not enough of.  So, in the hopes of insipring those of you that feel this way, I was reminded today of how to both enjoy, and slow down, time.

Meditation practice, especially silent, allows the body, mind, and spirit to just BE.  Whether for a few minutes, or a few hours, this joyous process can remind you of how important it is to nurture yourself – body, mind, and soul.  Now, it may be frustrating at first, or perhaps, after a while, frustrating to just sit, but I find that it forces me to slow down.  I actually notice my body – what’s ok, what’s in pain, what hunger feels like as opposed to thinking I am hungry because it’s “lunchtime”.  I ventured out into the world, taking my silent practice with me.  I was among many people on the streets of New York, but spoke to no one.  In fact, I shied away from it, so as to prolong my bubble of silence.  I observed, I noticed, but I did not speak.  Time did not matter, activities did not matter, I was keenly aware of what my mind and body wanted, and simply followed.  Ambling along until my hunger forced me to respond.

Amazingly, what felt like an entire day, well-spent, long, and enjoyable, was only a few hours long.  And, when I returned home to prepare Cauliflower Soup (from scratch! yum!) I was amazed that the day was still young when I had finished.  I closed my eyes for a while and just breathed.  Then I opened them and read.  And by the end of this day, that felt many days long, it was still only 5pm!  Instead of feeling my normal “I haven’t finished all I need to, I haven’t done enough!” I had a sense of calm fulfillment at just being.  It didn’t matter what I did and did not do, my body was embracing my mind and thanking me for slowing down and noticing one another.

So, for anyone out there in need of a slower day, or even those of you who think you don’t, try to spend a few hours simply BEING, letting go of your to-do list, just breathe, and exist!

* For more ways to handle the personal changes that impact you after relocating, click here! *

This week, I had the honor of presenting  a workshop called, “How to Ace Your Interview Through Positive Self Perception” for a wonderful organization called Career Gear.  Career Gear helps men with difficult pasts to build brilliant futures. 

I found some of my feelings about this experience similar to transitioning cultures.  I’ve never been in a roomful of people before that have pasts including crime and incarceration, who have worked very hard to turn their lives around.  So, I had no idea what to expect.  I guess my experiences crossing cultures have taught me, first and foremost, that pre-judgments do more to hurt you than help you, and I walked into the room expecting simply mutual respect.  Well, it turned out that these men were simply brilliant – they were sensitive, had fantastic questions (in fact, so many that they asked me to come back a second time so I could continue my workshop!) and really help one another out.

I have to say that this experience made me proud to be a coach, to be able to help these guys look at their own self-perceptions, and actually shift them, was an entirely rewarding experience.  We covered a lot of ground on the interview experience – one of the things that seemed most fascinating is that we all find the interview process a challenge!  There will always be a question that we’re not comfortable with, regardless of our past, and normalizing this common feeling seemed inspiring.  (For those of you out there that may be interviewing in the US job market, one of the facts that got their attention, that might help you, is that these days your resume won’t even make it in the door unless you find the hiring manager, and properly keyword your resume.  Sending emails to the address in a job ad will land your resume in the trash, sadly.)

When we talk about transitioning cultures, we normally think about crossing countries, or even cities.  But this experience taught me how fundamental the concept of “culture” can be.  Even right within your own town, there are likely to be many cultures, existing side by side.  We may focus on the language and country ones, but I find it fascinating that culture can also apply to your background, your values, corporations, etc - and the challenges that create hardship when trying to relate can fall away with a simple tweak in perception.  I am sure that those of you reading this who are Expats or Accompanying Spouses have some experience that you approached in a specific way that caused an issue.  And then, when you changed how you looked at that same situation, you probably had an entirely different outcome.  If you apply this same principle to crossing cultures – namely changing your perception, you are likely to have a lot more success adapting to new countries, new jobs, and more!

* Need a presenter for your workshop on career or culture transition experiences?  Contact me for more information. *

It’s Working Wednesday again!  Last week we took a look at websites and blogs as part of your online strategy.  This week we’ll take a look at using social media to get yourself known on the internet.

Time to sit back, pull out some popcorn, and learn!

Here are links to some of the items I mention:

Facebook
Twitter
Plaxo
Squidoo
Tweet Deck
Social Oomph

Welcome to Working Wednesdays – the 10-part video series designed to help you understand and implement the basic steps you need to start a new business!

Today’s lesson is about delving further into your business choice by looking at personal experience, qualifications, competition and more.  Just click below to get started:

Today begins our next video series!  I was so inspired by all the great feedback from the last one that I’ve put together a new series.  This one will focus on starting a new business.  Though anyone who wants to start a business can benefit, this can be especially helpful to those of you out there who are an Accompanying Spouse looking for meaningful work, as well as an Expat who might just have a great idea.

This series will cover just the basics of taking a great idea into reality – what you need to consider to start your business, getting your business online, and more!  This is a 10-part series and will take place every Wednesday.

Today’s video will discuss the idea stage – how to determine WHAT to do and what business to create: