I was recently in Florida visiting my mom and noticed many cultural differences that got me thinking about things you would need to think about if you’re planning to move to Florida.  I was in a specific area of Florida, near to West Palm Beach, so the generalities may not apply to the place you’re moving, but I think these points are still worth bearing in mind:

1. There are a lot of older people that live in Florida.  It’s a huge retirement community.
2. There are a lot of students that live in Florida – it’s a huge college state.
3. Because of the retirement community, there are many “gated communities” – it’s like a sprawled out condo environment where you own an apartment next to a golf course and have a Country Club on premises, and you have to show ID to get in the front gate.
4. Life revolves around the Country Club – most of the socializing happens at the Country Club, from meals, to dances, to card games. 
5. If you’re younger, you’ll have to get used to feeling like an outsider.  I went to have lunch on my own in the club’s casual dining room and ended up eating outside because I was the only one alone, and everyone in the room was twice my age, and I felt like I didn’t belong!  As it was mealtime, and there was no good way for me to interact with anyone that seemed to make more sense.
6. There is a “Boca Midnight” culture - Boca Midnight is 10pm.  That’s when many places close, and most people go to sleep!
7. Driving skills in Florida are, well, scary.  It seems well known that there are a lot of bad drivers because people talk about it all the time.  You have this merging of elderly and college students, the two populations with the least predictable driving skills, all together on the road.  Some people swerve their cars across the lines, and others speed in and out of the lines to try and race ahead.
8. More scary is that the most common car to drive in Florida appears to be a Lexus….wait for it….Lexus is owned by Toyota….they have been recalled for issues with the brakes.  So, now you have a bunch of bad drivers, driving around in cars with brakes that may fail!

Again – some of these are stereotypes and generalities, but some are based on truths that even locals in Florida will tell you.  There are certainly several “hot spots” where younger people live, such as Miami and Fort Lauderdale.  What I hope you’ll take away from this is the need to research the area you’re planning to move, and consider things like average age of the population there, housing, and driving – all of which will have an impact on you.

* For more ideas to prepare for a relocation click here! *

I found myself watching a kid’s TV show yesterday called “Ni Hao – Kai Lin”, and just as I was going to change the channel, I got sucked into the theme of the episode – fear of things that are different.  I decided to keep watching, and it was like seeing an Expat Coach in action for kids!

In the episode, all the characters attend a birthday party in the clouds. Everyone is having loads of fun, except Hoho, the monkey shown in the photo here.  He is very upset because, as he puts it, “Everything is so different.”  The food is different, the birthday hats are different (hippo hats), the see-saw is different (it goes in a circle instead of up and down.)

Isn’t this the epitome of a move to a new culture?  Everything is different, right down to the streets you may walk on when outside.  And, often times our first reaction to change and differences is to withdraw, and be fearful.  In the TV show, this is what Hoho did, and he ended up all by himself while everyone else had fun.  This reminded me of how we tend to self-isolate ourselves if we get stuck in the fear.

Luckily, one of Hoho’s friends encouraged him to just try something, even though it was different.  After hesitating for quite a while, Hoho finally gives in and tries a peach candy, saying that it’s so different from the banana crackers he is used to.  As he chews the peach candy, he realizes just how different it is, but is surprised to find that he likes it!  This makes him so excited that he asks for a hippo party hat, which he finds soft and comfortable.  This leads him to jump in and play games and he ends up interacting with, and surrounded by, all of his friends at the party.

I realize this is an oversimplified example, but I felt the major themes were still of value:

• When you go to a new place, expect things to be different
• Things that are different may seem scary when you have no experience with them
• If you get stuck in fear of differences, you may end up isolated and lonely and sad
• Jumping in and trying new things makes them less foreign, and more familiar
• You may find that you LIKE different things, or doing things you’re accustomed to in a different manner
• The more you jump in and embrace differences, the more likely you are to be surrounded by friends

* For more encouragement and ideas to successfully transition to a new culture, visit the the Culture Transition Success Store! *

When you move to a new place, the sights and sounds right around you are some of the first things you’ll notice, and will also be some of the first things that impact you.

In this video I tell (and show!) you the impact of new physical surroundings.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RE6hn8yoQow&hl=en_US&fs=1&]

I was recently interviewed on World Coach TV where I explained the mission of Culture Transition Coaching, and gave some helpful tips on relocating.

Enjoy the video by clicking here!

I’ve mentioned before that I love cows, though another truth is, I love animals.  If you’re looking for a fun activity after relocating, a local zoo or animal farm is another great way to spend part of a day (presuming, of course, tht you like animals.)

However, in addition to passing the time, animals can also teach you some valuable lessons.  This past weekend, I had the pleasure of visiting several animals, and the experience reminded me a bit of transitioning to another culture! (Bear with me….oops, pun intended…)

I started the day with a visit to an Alpaca farm in Upstate New York.  Sadly, for me, Alpacas are not the friendliest of animals

and didn’t seem interested in being pet.  However, as I stood among them, I realized that I was in their “world”;  I had entered their space.  This fact really hit me when I whipped out my iPhone to take the pictures you see here, and when I turned to my left, I found myself staring at a very long, black neck and a huge pair of dark eyes.  (Sadly, I was too shocked and frozen to take a photo!)  With me being, umm, vertically-challenged, the Alpaca towered over me and I wasn’t sure whether it would eat me or spit on me, but it seemed very interested in my iPhone.  Soon thereafter, another Alpaca (who apparently has arthritis, so I felt like we had an instant bond as I do, too!) approached me, and I just remained as calm as possible, while also terrified, and stifling a laugh because so many feelings ran through me at once.

I had no idea what to do.  I was a bit terrified, and figured any sudden moves would be a bad idea, and yet I also wanted to try and pet them, but figured that would be equally poor on the idea list, in case they got upset with me.  So, I let them sniff me, and then they moved on.

It’s funny, but when you move to a new place, some of your initial experiences can feel like this.  It’s a bit terrifying to be surrounded by unfamiliar people, unfamiliar buildings, and unfamiliar experiences.  You may get stuck as you try and figure out what to do to adapt to your new surroundings.  And, sometimes it’s best to give people around you the chance to welcome you, and show you proper etiquette than to just “barge in”, and try to “force” your ways on them by, shall we say, proverbally petting them.

After the Alpaca farm, I visited my cousin’s horse farm.  It was like changing countries in fifteen minutes.  The horses, after a brief “check me out and make sure I’m not a threat” period were exceptionally affectionate.  They loved having their cheeks massaged, and they also seemed hopeful that my hands might also be edible, and there was a lot of sniffing.

But, again, I had that same experience where I felt a bit like a stranger in a strange land.  Now, the friendliness of the horses made me feel very welcome, and at ease.  I know that whenever I’ve lived or traveled abroad, the people that were the most

welcoming, friendly, and interested in me, are the ones with whom I wanted to spend the most time, and with whom I had a sense of feeling at home. 

Finally, I got to play with my cousin’s dog who was a very loving new friend. For me, friendly dogs just make all of life’s little troubles melt away.  So, if you’re feeling down, and not too allergic, you might seriously want to consider spending some time with a friendly dog or cat.  I’m not sure why, but they seem to have the power to make whatever is bugging you seem insignificant.

Here are the takeaways from all my experiences this past weekend:

1. Visiting animals is a great activity, if you’re in need of ideas.
2. If you do go to a park, zoo, or elsewhere, notice how it feels to be in “their world” – try to pay attention to how you act, and react to them. 
3. You’ll learn your natural tendencies to unfamiliar situations, and perhaps figure out a couple of things you can change to attract more people to you. 
4. Try petting a dog or a cat if you are having a “down day”.  If you don’t own one, see if there might be a local shelter where you can volunteer your time to pet animals, or, perhaps you have a friend with a pet who will let you come over.
5. If you got a chuckle out of this post, you might also enjoy my earlier post about What Cows Can Teach Us About Relocating

* Want more ideas on adjusting to a new place, learning a new language, and fitting in? Check out The Personal Success Method! *

One of the challenges that can occur after relocating is figuring out what activities are available, and how to go about finding them. Often times, though, it could be as simple as exploring a place you haven’t before, and then asking!

This past weekend, I had the delight of trying a tea house in Manhattan – Radiance Tea House and Books. Our host, Dan, was one of the friendliest people I have ever met. He seemed to either know all the clientele (indicating there are a lot of regulars) or else spoke to everyone like a cherished friend, certainly giving everyone the desire to return sometime soon.

The food was unbelievably good, as was the incredible selection of tea. So, I asked Dan if they

ever hold any workshops or classes, and, indeed they do! Now, I’ve heard of a wine-tasting, but tea-tastings are much less common. If you’ve never done one, I highly recommend it. What’s nice about the way Radiance Tea House offers them is that it’s in a class setting, so you’re more likely to meet other people, rather than going to a tea place and doing your own tasting.

The other activity they offer is a Tea Ceremony. This is another more unusual activity that you probably don’t come across on your average day. In fact, there are probably many activities around you, but if you’re intent on doing things that are familiar to you, you are most definitely missing out on opportunities to learn something new, and to meet new people.

What’s important for you to take away is that-

1. wherever in the world you are, when feeling bored, or unable to find new activities, you must make an effort to try new places – even if you have to take out a guide-book in a city you think you know pretty well.
2. If you find someplace you like, speak with the host, waiter, or owner and ask them if they give any classes – here it was about tea, but if you’re in a restaurant, it could be that they offer cooking class. (I’ve actually come across one such place in New York, Camaje, and it was a fantastic experience!) If you’re in a museum, perhaps it’s a unique tour, or a drawing class, etc.
3. Activities come in all “shapes, colors and sizes”. The more open you are to trying something you’ve never done before, the more likely you’ll find things to do.
4. The key is, seek out new things, and ask questions!
5. Check out my Personal Strategies Method eBook for more helpful ideas and strategies to find activities you love and more after moving.

I just saw the film “Where the Wild Things Are” and it made me think about the transition from what we know and take for granted to what we don’t know. This especially had meaning for me around the concept of making new friends and feeling at home in a new place.

In the movie, Max runs away from his family and takes a boat (opportunity) into the ocean. He doesn’t know where he’s going but he keeps going anyway. (faith.) He finally begins to steer when he sees an island with fire, indicating someone is there. (Seeking companionship.)

Not knowing what he’ll find, he ties the boat to shore battling stormy waters (challenge) and walks towards the fire. When he arrives, he finds a community of monsters. They look different – giant, big teeth, horns, etc. – but they have the same problems that Max has gone through himself.

I noticed the same concept at work that I mention in my Social Success Strategies eBook – a common or shared experience tends to bond people no matter how different they may seem. So when Max is able to relate with the monsters, he jumps in and plays with them. They are wary at first, but then eager to have him.

They sleep together in a huge pile and it made me realize that almost any problem is surmountable when surrounded by friends. That’s another reason you need to make new friends after moving – the ability to be physically near them is important.

I chuckled as I saw one of my foundation techniques for learning to feel at home after relocating in the film – jump in and take action. Max doesn’t hesitate to literally jump in to a crowd of monsters that could have eaten him (they tried!) and interact. Similarly, when you move someplace new, learning to jump in to the unfamiliar will help you make friends, and feel part of a community more quickly. You may feel a little scared at first, but pushing past that fear will allow you to form close friendships.

Another strategy they use is to plan out and create a home that will allow them each to have something they want be possible. This kind of visualizing and creating is excellent to apply to a new home.

Throughout the story, there is challenge, turmoil, and shattered perceptions, but in the end, love and friendship prevail.

Similarly, when you venture into the unfamiliar, you will face challenges and hurdles, but you’ll overcome them with the help of your friends.

I just finished reading a fantastic book, “Peaks and Valleys”, by Spencer Johnson, and had to write a post about it because it’s so inspiring for all of lifes ups and downs.

For anyone out there that might have relocated and feel isolated, depressed, or be thinking, “What have I done?”, I hope the insights from this book might inspire you out of a bad time and into a good one.  Applying the insights to relocating, here’s what I came up with:

Make Reality Your Friend
If you’re feeling awful, can’t meet new friends, don’t like your job, don’t fit in, etc. ask yourself, “What’s the truth here?”  The premise of the book is that you should ask this question both when you’re in a “Valley” (bad time) or on a “Peak” (good time).  So, in essence, ask yourself what’s really going on.  Are you trying to duplicate friends and setting your expectations such that you’ll never meet them?  Do you not fit in, or have you not tried to adapt to what’s around you?  Stay in touch with the underlying reality.

Find and Use the Good Hidden in a Bad Time
If things have really got you down, nothing seems to be going your way, you’re aggravated, frustrated, and wondering why you bothered to relocate, do the opposite of everything you’re doing now.  If you’re complaining, start praising everything around you.  If you isolate yourself, start going outside.  Find a way to be of service in your community, and be a more loving person.  These are the actions that move you out of a bad time, and into a good one.

Appreciate and Manage Your Good Times Wisely
When life is good, and everything is going your way, figure out what actions and behaviors got you there, and make it a mission to do more of those things.

Follow Your Sensible Vision
Especially if you’re in a low point, try envisioning what you’d like your life to be.  Perhaps surrounded by great friends, a well-known person in the community, etc.  Get very clear on the details of your desired vision, and think of it often.  Then you can enjoy doing what you need to take you there.

The book recounts these themes in a fable-type story, it’s a quick read, and I highly recommend it!  It’s invaluable whether you’ve been laid off, have problems in your relationship, difficulty making friends – really just about any of life’s situations. 

Check out http://www.peaksandvalleysthebook.com/ for more information.

One of the best parts about living in many places and fully jumping in to cultural traditions, is that it bonds you forever with the people of that culture.

Here’s an example.  I went to Japan a few years ago.  I visited Tokyo, Kyoto, and Nara.  It was an unbelievable experience, and I was exposed to foods, people, and situations I had never dreamed of, all because of my wonderful hosts, and my willingness to try everything. When we went to Nara, we visited the wooden Buddha at the temple, Todai-ji. In the back of this temple, there is a pillar with a small hole at the base.  My hosts told me that if I could crawl through it, I’d be guaranteed a spot in Heaven.  (It was so small, I worried I might get to Heaven quicker than planned!) Shown here is the proof that I made it through!  It was a definite memorable moment of that trip.

The other night, I sat at the bar of my neighborhood Japanese restaurant for the first time.  (Usually I eat at a table.) I had the pleasure of striking up a fun conversation with the Japanese bartender, about life and culture in Japan along with a few other animated diners.  When I mentioned going to the temple in Nara, and began describing how I crawled through this pillar, the bartender instantly knew what I was referring to, and gave me a high-five!  We then proceeded to speak of many special cultural experiences one can have in Japan. 

The discussion made me realize that those of us that live and travel in different places, are granted a very special gift of a bond with others from those places.  You can’t quite describe it, but it is special, nonetheless. 

For those of you who may be facing repatriation challenges, this is also something to remember.  Seeking out restaurants or people from the place you used to live is an excellent way to discuss the traditions you miss, and share your experiences with someone who understands, and has participated in the same experiences. This does wonders both when you need a listening ear, and when you’re trying to meet new people.

In today’s economy, there are a lot of individuals that are forced to move to a new city, or even a new country.  Often times, it’s a matter of moving where the work is.  This can be difficult or easy – depending upon whether you’re moving happily or you’re moving against your will.  If you’re moving to follow a dream, you might feel excited and as if there are no limits.  However, if you’re the trailing spouse who is moving because your partner is following his or her dream – it can be easy to feel resentful, stubborn and unwilling for change to happen.

Unfortunately, staying stuck in this resentment, and continuing to be stubborn will actually backfire.  It will quickly lead you to see only negatives about your life, hate where you’re living, be angry with those around you, end up pushing away loved ones and, ultimately, to become completely isolated, homesick, and maybe even depressed.

So, what should you do if you are being forced to move against your will, or if you’ve already relocated and are stuck in resentment?  Here are some helpful strategies:

• Admit that you hate it.  If you hate the idea of moving, say it.  Admit it out loud – yell it if you want to.  Give yourself this opportunity to speak your mind.  This will allow you to give voice to your internal feelings, be heard, and that, in turn, will enable you to move on.
• Give yourself a grieving period.  Set a defined time limit – no more than two weeks – to allow yourself to really grieve about the move.  Mope around, growl at the changes you see, just feel terrible. Towards the end of this period, you might even try exaggerating how awful everything is to get it all out, and, also, allow yourself to understand how easy it is to find all the negatives. But once the grieving period is over, stop it.  Make a commitment to find positives, stop complaining better and really stick to it.
• Each day, find a positive and celebrate it.  You might find a video store that allows you to rent movies really cheaply.  You might have had a nice conversation with the cashier as you purchased groceries.  Perhaps you treat yourself to some chocolate and celebrate how great it tasted!  The point is to celebrate something – feel good about something each day.
• Keep a journal of your experiences.  Keep track of everything – all the feelings from your grieving period, and then notes about the positive things you find to celebrate. After a few months, you’ll be able to read back over the entries and see just how far you’ve come.  This is encouraging and can really help you in your new surroundings.

For more helpful tips to avoid relocation depression, visit www.relocationdepression.com