I was recently watching a cute flick (well, I guess it could be considered cheesy, but hey, I thought it was cute!)  In it, the main character, Daphne, an American from New York, goes off to London as a teenager to find and meet her father.

While in England, she encounters massive cultural shifts.  Her father is a Lord, and is running for political office. He is surrounded by demanding political advisors, and a social-climbing fiancee.  Daphne, who is accustomed to casual dress, a tiny apartment, and very low-key lifestyle, enters into a world of wealth, a huge house, and frequent parties with royalty for which she must wear elegant gowns.  She hugs her grandmother, who retorts, “No hugs, I’m British.  We only show affection for dogs and horses.”  Her father’s fiancee and her daughter are bent on getting Daphne to leave as soon as possible – sabotaging her efforts as often as possible.

The movie, despite whether or not you like it, demonstrates some important things to focus on when transitioning cultures and trying to make new friends :

1. Be aware of cultural habits when it comes to greeting and showing appreciation.  In the film, Amanda Bynes is accustomed to hugging everyone, but the people she encounters find this too personal. You may have to alter your normal style to fit in, at least to start.
2. Notice how people dress.  The obvious changes are in formal parties – of course you’d expect to dress more formally than day-to-day wear.  But, take a look at day-to-day dress as well.  The very clothes you wear can serve to keep you isolated, or bring you closer to those around you.
3. Focus on the people that take a liking to you.  If you find yourself feeling that the people you’d most like to be friends with aren’t welcoming you, then focus your efforts and attention on the people that DO want to be friends.  It could be a local shopkeeper, or someone  you least expect.  Shift your attention towards them!

* For more help on making new friends after moving, click here! *

I just saw the film “Where the Wild Things Are” and it made me think about the transition from what we know and take for granted to what we don’t know. This especially had meaning for me around the concept of making new friends and feeling at home in a new place.

In the movie, Max runs away from his family and takes a boat (opportunity) into the ocean. He doesn’t know where he’s going but he keeps going anyway. (faith.) He finally begins to steer when he sees an island with fire, indicating someone is there. (Seeking companionship.)

Not knowing what he’ll find, he ties the boat to shore battling stormy waters (challenge) and walks towards the fire. When he arrives, he finds a community of monsters. They look different – giant, big teeth, horns, etc. – but they have the same problems that Max has gone through himself.

I noticed the same concept at work that I mention in my Social Success Strategies eBook – a common or shared experience tends to bond people no matter how different they may seem. So when Max is able to relate with the monsters, he jumps in and plays with them. They are wary at first, but then eager to have him.

They sleep together in a huge pile and it made me realize that almost any problem is surmountable when surrounded by friends. That’s another reason you need to make new friends after moving – the ability to be physically near them is important.

I chuckled as I saw one of my foundation techniques for learning to feel at home after relocating in the film – jump in and take action. Max doesn’t hesitate to literally jump in to a crowd of monsters that could have eaten him (they tried!) and interact. Similarly, when you move someplace new, learning to jump in to the unfamiliar will help you make friends, and feel part of a community more quickly. You may feel a little scared at first, but pushing past that fear will allow you to form close friendships.

Another strategy they use is to plan out and create a home that will allow them each to have something they want be possible. This kind of visualizing and creating is excellent to apply to a new home.

Throughout the story, there is challenge, turmoil, and shattered perceptions, but in the end, love and friendship prevail.

Similarly, when you venture into the unfamiliar, you will face challenges and hurdles, but you’ll overcome them with the help of your friends.

Today is my grandfather’s birthday.  Were he still alive, he would have turned 100 today.  Though he passed 7 years ago, I still think about him often.  The way his blue eyes always illuminated whenever I came for a visit, and the way he was always proud of even the smallest things I did.  In fact, I realized that he is my inspiration for meeting new people and making new friends.

My grandpa, no matter where we were, had this amazing ability to appeal to everyone around him.  He would always smile, and want to get to know you, and make you feel like an important person.  In fact, when I would visit him in the hospital, he had made friends with the entire staff of doctors and nurses.  I was always in awe!

What he tought me is that a warm smile, a sincere question, and laughter, are simple, and important, steps whenever you want to meet someone new.

Because it is my grandfather’s inspiration that helped me create them, in honor of my his 100th birthday, I’m offering you 50% off either my “Learn to Feel at Home Anywhere in the World” program (gives you an introduction to the core steps of relocating and making friends, satisfying your personal/emotional needs, and adjusting to professional changes) or my “Social Success Strategies” eBook (which is a deep-dive into how and where to make new friends and create a new social network after relocating.)

Just use code GRAMPS100 at checkout.  Offer good through Sunday, October 11th, 2009.

Happy birthday grandpa, and may his inspiration equally help and inspire you to make more friends.

Sometimes, after you relocate, you will have some setbacks.  Perhaps a bad day, or something more serious.  One of the reasons making friends nearby is so important is because, on days like this, you’ll appreciate a compassionate ear.

Here’s a small, humorous, example to illustrate my point.

I was recently in an elevator with a 5-year-old boy and his babysitter.  She held the door open for me, and I entered to find this boy very irritated because he had wanted the door to close, and he had been made to wait for me.  I asked if he could push my floor, number 10, and he said, “I don’t like the 10th floor.”  He then crossed his arms and gave such a frown it made me laugh.

“Why don’t you like the 10th floor?” I inquired.

“Because. I just don’t,” he replied.

Then I matched his voice and tone, and said, “You seem very grumpy.  Why are you so grumpy?”

This made him laugh.  It was as if the mere fact that I had noticed he was grumpy pulled him out of his grumpiness.  Next, I noticed that he was wearing sneakers that lit up whenever he tapped the floor.

“Oh, those are cool sneakers!” I said.  “Can I have them?”

“No, they only fit me!” he answered.

“That’s ok, maybe I could wear them on my ears, and every time I nod my head, they’d light up! Or, would I have to bang my ears on the wall?”

With that, he was laughing, and the grumpiness completely forgotten.

Here’s what the experience made me realize:

1. When things don’t go your way, you might get grumpy and unhappy.
2. If someone takes the time to notice what you’re feeling, in the moment, that can help you express these bad feelings, and get them out
3. Once you’ve expressed yourself, having someone that can make you laugh, will allow you to spend the rest of the day much happier

It may all seem obvious, but these are the things you get from a friend.  Having someone nearby who can listen, and cheer you up, face-to-face is an essential piece of your social success after relocating.

I feel like I hit the social jackpot! I’ve been challenging myself to follow my own advice and try to meet and get business cards from 4 new friends in 4 weeks, and I did it! And, I got introduced to another event through a new friend, always exciting and inspiring when you’re in a rut. Shown throughout this posting are photos from the art gallery where I was able to see beautiful artwork, and do some excellent people-watching.

1. Several weeks ago, I mentioned that I joined an online community, and attended one of their social events in New York. Prior to the event, I connected with my new friend Chris on the online forum, and we met up at this event.
2. Chris then invited me out with some of his other friends where I began getting to know more wonderful people. (One of them owns an art gallery, and may let me show an exhibit of all my various cow photos!)
3. Tonight, I joined Chris and some friends I had met before, and others who were new to me, at an art gallery. I learned that one of the women I had met a few weeks ago has the exact same birthday as me! It was an instant connection, and we also learned we had a lot in common, so we exchanged cards and plan to get together soon.
4. I met another woman who has had similar life experiences to me, so we also exchanged cards.
5. Upon my return home, I happened to run into one of my new neighbors who seems really sweet. We’ve run into each other a few times and had brief conversations, so this time I said we should get together, and we’re aiming for this weekend!

A reminder of my tips to help you with your social success:

• Join social organizations and attend their events
• Connect with just one person before or at the event
• If you have a good time with them, exchange contact information so you can get together again
• Be open to invitations you may receive from that person, and make your own to them
• When you do accept an invitation, make the effort to mingle with everyone, not just your host
• Again, exchange information with everyone you meet and connect with
• Make more plans!

I feel so inspired by the wonderful new friends I’ve made in the past few weeks, and that I’m meeting people I have a lot in common with. I made it happen through the courage to socialize on my own, openness to meeting new people, exchanging contact information, follow-up, and accepting invitations.

I wish you the same success!

I spent the weekend in two competitions with my new-found friends in the Petanque club I joined.  I’m beginning to feel like a special part of a close-knit community!  Happily, I’ve found something to do that I really enjoy – it enables me to make use of my athletic skills, and puts me in touch with some lovely people, many of whom are French, so I get the added bonus of speaking French whenever I see my new friends!

As my skills improve, I’m earning more and more respect from the other players, many of whom have played Petanque for years.  And, I exchanged numbers with two of the players, so am on my way towards achieving my goal with the 4 new friends in 30 days challenge!

It’s just a complete joy to open up to a new outlet, use skills I otherwise wouldn’t, and to find reliable and interesting people from around the globe with which to converse.

Well, my mind has been seeing lots of opportunities to enlargen my social circle since I posted the 4 new friends in 30-days challenge yesterday!

So far, I connected with someone I’ve given advice to on a social forum (hey, if you’re not already a member on a social forum related to a topic you know something about, this is an excellent thing to do, right now! Helping others with your expertise is a great way to connect, and if there are people on the forum in your area, then this is another possible outlet to meet new people!). We are working on making plans to meet one another.

This weekend will bring an opportunity for me to connect with people in my Petanque club and hopefully go out again, and exchange contact info to continue meeting up outside of our Petanque matches.

Hope you’re making some plans for your own success. Please, let me know by posting a comment.

It’s official, I am a Big Apple Greeter!  I had my orientation this week, and can now start welcoming people to New York with time spent with a New Yorker, and a neighborhood tour through the eyes of a local.  What I love about this is that we are NOT tour guides, so rather than visiting the Empire State Building, the Metropolitan Museum, etc., we get to show you a slice of life in New York, or streets and places you would not normally visit by taking a tour, or using a guidebook.

Here’s why I’m so excited about this experience –

Big Apple Greeter attracts volunteers from all walks of life.  So, during my orientation, I got to sit in a room with ten wonderful people who I otherwise might not have met, and learn about the fascinating things that other people do.

I get to use some of my favorite skills – I’ll be able to use my foreign languages with tourists, share my excitement about New York, and hopefully make more friends from the experience.

All of these concepts are essential when you move someplace new and don’t know many people.  But, for those of you who have lived in another city for a year or more, this is a wonderful volunteer opportunity you might consider.

To read more on why I love this opportunity for expatriates, trailing spouses, and relocated professionals, click here.

For information on Big Apple Greeters, click here.

And, if you live someplace outside New York, then click here to find out if there is a Greeter program where you live!