Sometimes, when you move to another culture, you will experience a loss of connection to the culture, and the people around you.  This can leave you feeling isolated and lonely, especially if you haven’t been able to make new friends.

One way you can help reconnect to others is by doing something special for someone you don’t know.  The other day, I went to Coney Island, outside Manhattan.  While there, I won several stuffed animals by winning a bunch of the games there.  On the subway ride back home, a small girl of about 3, and her parents, sat behind me.  I turned around and asked her parents if she might like to have some stuffed animals.  They graciously accepted, and I handed over 2 of them.  This little girl hugged and hugged them, it really touched my heart.  It was a bit like Christmas morning, she absolutely loved the animals, and it made me feel like I had given my prized puppy to a really good home.

A couple nearby noticed what I had done, and complimented me on my actions.  I was overwhelmed with sentiment, and almost cried.  Something so simple had brought about such touching emotion, and connection, with people I didn’t know.

So, I pass this along to you – if you’re feeling lonely and isolated wherever you have relocated, try doing a random act of kindness – actually look out for anyone you might help.  You could hold a door open for someone, help someone carry a heavy bag to their car, give something away….however you envision serving others.

* For more ideas on making new friends, click here! *

I was recently watching a cute flick (well, I guess it could be considered cheesy, but hey, I thought it was cute!)  In it, the main character, Daphne, an American from New York, goes off to London as a teenager to find and meet her father.

While in England, she encounters massive cultural shifts.  Her father is a Lord, and is running for political office. He is surrounded by demanding political advisors, and a social-climbing fiancee.  Daphne, who is accustomed to casual dress, a tiny apartment, and very low-key lifestyle, enters into a world of wealth, a huge house, and frequent parties with royalty for which she must wear elegant gowns.  She hugs her grandmother, who retorts, “No hugs, I’m British.  We only show affection for dogs and horses.”  Her father’s fiancee and her daughter are bent on getting Daphne to leave as soon as possible – sabotaging her efforts as often as possible.

The movie, despite whether or not you like it, demonstrates some important things to focus on when transitioning cultures and trying to make new friends :

1. Be aware of cultural habits when it comes to greeting and showing appreciation.  In the film, Amanda Bynes is accustomed to hugging everyone, but the people she encounters find this too personal. You may have to alter your normal style to fit in, at least to start.
2. Notice how people dress.  The obvious changes are in formal parties – of course you’d expect to dress more formally than day-to-day wear.  But, take a look at day-to-day dress as well.  The very clothes you wear can serve to keep you isolated, or bring you closer to those around you.
3. Focus on the people that take a liking to you.  If you find yourself feeling that the people you’d most like to be friends with aren’t welcoming you, then focus your efforts and attention on the people that DO want to be friends.  It could be a local shopkeeper, or someone  you least expect.  Shift your attention towards them!

* For more help on making new friends after moving, click here! *

As you know, my mission is to help people relocating to adjust to and overcome the social, personal, and professional issues that arise after moving to a new city.  One of the biggest difficulties with moving is creating a new social network.  I’m always on the lookout for excellent resources and ideas, and recently found a great organization in Paris called Paris4U.net  I interviewed one of the founders to help you get more information about what it is, and the benefits of joining. 

Q. What is the mission of Paris4U.net?

A. The mission of Paris4U.net is to connect people from different types of backgrounds and cultures living and working in Paris.  We’re here to provide a forum for expatriates living in and around Paris to connect with each other and enhance their experience living abroad. 

Q. What inspired you to start your business, and how long have you been working on it?

A. I myself lived in several countries on various continents. I know for a fact how difficult it is integrate and build a social, personal, professional, and family life, when you arrive in a new country, especially one where the national language is not your mothertongue. It takes time to find out what there is to discover, what to do, whom to meet, where to go, how to find your marks, how to organize your leisures, etc… I hope the site will be a platform allowing all nationalities and cultures to gather, discuss, talk, meet, enjoy Paris together. The site itself is brand-new, it just recently started.

Q. What are some of the benefits of signing up to become a member at Paris4U.net?

A. Paris4u provides a venue for those living in and around Paris to communicate and interact with one another in English.  This includes the ability to put up classifieds, create events, and even the ability to communicate with each other via the forums.

Q. What expansion plans do you have – I think you may be offering your services in different cities soon?

Ultimately, we plan on creating a template using Paris4u as an example to expand to other cities globally.  Our next goal will be NYC.

Q.  Is there anything else people should know about you and Paris4U.net?

A. Paris4u is will be constantly evolving over the next few weeks and we want to provide our members with a more personal experience.  This means we are always looking for more input, suggestions, ideas on what the members would want/need or like to see.  We also plan on taking advantage of various social networks such as facebook and youtube to tap into a wider audience.

** Do you know of or have an excellent resource for networking where you live?  Post a comment here and tell me about it! **

** Want to relocate with ease, and avoid or overcome the social, personal, and professional challenges that you’ll confront? Check out The Relocation Success System!

In previous posts, I’ve mentioned that I became a Big Apple Greeter, which has been a fun and rewarding experience, allowing me to meet people from all over the world, and share “my New York” with them.

I’ve noticed, since starting this volunteer experience, that I am attracting lost people to me.  In the middle of the street, more and more people are walking up to me to ask if I know how to get someplace, which subway is closest, and, tonight, “Do you know if there’s a balloon store or florist nearby?”

In addition, if I see anyone on the street holding up a map and looking confused, I walk over to them and ask if I can help them find something.

In my last post, I mentioned the book “Peaks and Valleys“.  Another point made by the author is that you should be of service in your community.  Doing this will tend to uplift your spirits.  With your spirits uplifted, you will find that you attract more people to you, thus increasing the chances that you will make new friends.  At the very least, you will increase your interactions with other people, and this will cut through the loneliness and isolation you might be feeling.

Being of service can be done in many ways.  The two easiest ways are volunteering your time for a specific cause or organization, or if you feel you don’t have time or interest to volunteer, then just help.  Simply look for people that need help – perhaps someone on the metro or subway or tube that would love your seat, maybe someone in the supermarket needs help reaching an item on the top shelf, or someone at work could use an idea for a project.

I’m sure, if you look for opportunities to help people, you will find them.  This is the quickest, and easiest, way to be of service, and it guarantees you the chance to meet someone new.

Start helping people today!

I’m going to challenge all those of you out there struggling to meet new friends to try out a challenge with me.  Make just one new friend every week, for the next 4 weeks.  So, the goal is 4 new friends (or aquaintances to become future friends) in the next 30 days.  Even if you’re seeing this post after I’ve completed my 30 days, I hope that you’ll take it on anyway.

So, here are the guidelines:

1. You can meet one new person a week anyplace you’re comfortable – a store, a party, an event, etc.
2. You have to get contact information – email/phone etc. to be able to follow-up with each person you meet
3. Pay attention to your thoughts and your intentions around making friends over the next 30 days.  Do you notice any shifts?  Do you find more, or fewer opportunties to meet people now that you’re focusing on this?
4. Follow up with each person within one week after meeting them to get together – go to a party, a movie, an event, etc.
5. Post a COMMENT below with your progress! Let me know how you met each person, and what you plan to do as a follow-up

Anyone who completes the challenge by September 23rd, 2009, and comes away with at least 3 new aquaintances and at least 2 follow-ups for getting together with them, I’ll give you a coupon for 25% off my “Learn to Feel at Home Anywhere in the World” program!!!