Happy New Year!

The cow, er, cat, is out of the bag, so I thought it was time to make a big announcement for 2012!  You may have noticed a bit of a trickle in the number of posts on my blog.  2011 was a challenging year for me, personally, and I opted to transform the painful experience I endured into a new business venture, called “The BullBuster Cafe”.

You can learn more about my new business at www.thebullbustercafe.com

Note – I will still be supporting my Culture Transition products, and I am still running The Expat Coach Association and Directory.  As an Expat, you may find BullBusting to be a more creative way to look at adapting to new cultures, and I may yet integrate the two concepts into a product, so stay tuned.  Also – if you have a business that supports Expats, I am more than happy to post information about you and your services, in the spirit of helping this wonderful community!

If you want to reach me, and read my current blog, just head on over to www.thebullbustercafe.com

And, enjoy 2012!

Since it’s April Fools Day, I thought I’d post something funny.  Well, not sure if it’s funny, or nuts, but either way, hope you get a laugh out of it!

I recently thought about the experiences I’ve had as an expat or living overseas that have profoundly shaped who I am, and the happy and poignant moments in my life, and realized that cows have been with me for many of those times.  My friends all know that anything with a cow on it is the perfect gift for me.  I have cow clocks, a cow tea kettle, cow photos, a cow dust-buster, a cow salt and pepper shaker, and more. 

My love of cows stems from living on a farm in Normandie, France with a large host family.  I had a very tough time settling in because I was accustomed to being an only child living in a huge city. I suddenly found myself living “in the middle of nowhere” with 8 siblings I didn’t know. I was a bit overwhelmed and terrified at the start of the experience.

Cows, however, would help me begin a bond of sisterhood.  I would milk the cows each day with two of my host sisters.  One day, after our usual routine, my host sisters  snuck me to the back room where the milk was collected and processed.  I was perplexed as they looked like they were about to play a joke.  They brought out 3 glasses, and a bottle of strawberry syrup!  They scooped up some fresh milk, poured in the syrup and shared delightful strawberry milkshakes with me, all thanks to the cows that provided this nourishment, and the moment we then shared.  This was one of the first moments that I felt more integrated with my host family.

I had always wanted a pet, but my parents were convinced I wouldn’t properly look after it, so I always felt a sadness at not having one.  Well, cows to the rescue once again! Living on the Normandie farm, I was honored to befriend Amazonie who took a liking to me, and would follow me around and lick me, like an overgrown puppy dog.  She filled the void I had experienced up to that point.  On days I had a tough time adjusting to life on the farm, Amazonie was always happy to see me.

The first time I lived wtih this family, my host father, Ernest, assisted in the birth of two calves.  At the time, I considered it one of the most disgusting things I had ever seen, but this experience was true life on the farm, and watching the cycle of birth was incredible.

On days where I felt a little down – homesick, scared etc – I could always count on a laugh at milking time.  You see, the “waiting room” the cows hung out in before being milked was right by the kitchen window.  So, every once in a while, I’d see this cow’s head, bulging eyes staring at me, licking the window, and it was such a comedic sight that it would lift my spirits without fail!

The cows in Normandie also helped me to speak French.  When we went to herd them in, I got tired of saying “allez, allez!” (“let’s go, let’s go!”), so I made up rhymes, which eventually became songs:

“Allez! C’est le temps pour le trait!  Vous allez nous donner du lait!…” and whatever else I came up with ending in the “-ay” sound.  My host siblings got a good laugh out of my constant rhyming. 

What I’ve learned over time is that cows don’t care what language I speak.  In any country I’ve ever visited or lived in, cows have been a reliable source of the familiar, and of curiosity.  Even in some barren lands in Israel that were unlike anything I had ever seen, cows still looked familiar, and expressed curiosity, making me feel at home even when far away.

So, I thought it was high time I wrote a small blog of gratitude to these great big creatures who warm my heart no matter where in the world I am. 

Continuing to enjoy the energy and lessons of my recent meditation retreat, I attended a seminar and meditation evening offered by the Kadampa organization in New York City.  There was one question that struck me very deeply:

“What do you do that makes you happy?”

January is often the time we set goals, make resolutions, and determine what we’ll do differently or better.  So, I found this question to be very timely, and very thought provoking.  On the surface, I might say, “I find great ways to meet new people, I travel, I reach lots of people with my blog,” and a host of other activities. But the question is really much deeper. 

We spoke about our natural tendency as human beings to wake up each day and hope our day goes well.  We might think things like, “I hope this year is better than last year” “I hope I get a job” ”I hope the boss is nicer to me today.” “I hope I don’t have to do that stupid report today.” If you’re homesick, or suffering from relocation depression, you might be thinking, “I hope I can find something interesting to do today.” “I hope I can leave this awful place soon.” “I hope someone will become my friend today.” Do those thoughts make you happy? 

Typically, those thoughts disempower us.  Instead, those thoughts put all our power in our circumstances, and the people around us to make us happy.  If the train is late, or the boss is mean, or you don’t find anything to do today, then your day will stink.  After a stinky, tough, horrible day, you’ll come home feeling angry and unhappy.  Once you get home, you’ll expect your friends and family to be understanding, and make you feel happier. As if they hold the key to making you feel better.

But the real truth is, we create our own happiness.  We have the choice to get angry when things don’t go our way, or to see the opportunities that are created and focus on what makes us happy, and create more happiness in our lives.  For example, let’s say a friend cancels plans with you last minute, leaving you alone with nothing to do.  You can get angry, complain to your friend that you could have made other plans if they had told you sooner, and spend the evening muttering curse words and feeling full of regret.  Or, you can catch up on that reading you haven’t had time for, go to the movies, check out a museum, walk home a different way, etc. 

As you spend your January making resolutions, I’m going to challenge you to be more happy!  Here are a few suggestions:

1. Every day after you wake up ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can do today to make myself happy?”
2. Answer that question every day.
3. Carry a small notebook around with you and write down the things you notice yourself doing each day that make you happy.
4. Start doing those things more often.

Another way to take care of yourself during hard times, or take a break from a rut is to walk in nature.  Whether that’s a park, or something other, the point is to step into it. I’d suggest brining a journal with you as you never know what epiphanies you’ll have and you won’t want to miss the opportunity to right them down!

In Part One of my recent meditation retreat, I shared some of my learnings from my “inward journey”. As promised there, I’m now going to let you know about a scary hike in the woods that ended up being very insightful!  I was told the hike was beautiful, and there were a few people who had gone walking a few minutes ahead of me, so I figured I’d catch up to them and share the journey.

Instead, I ended up alone, lost, and scared out of my mind! Sometimes, however, fear can be an excellent teacher.

First, the path did not lead where I expected.  I was told it circled the property, but the property soon disappeared, and I found myself walking in the exact  opposite direction, with twists and turns leading me further and further away. This made me panic and I contemplated returning back to the familiar before I got lost. Especially because it started snowing, no one was in site ahead of me, and I feared that the snow would cover the path I was trying to follow and assumed the journey back would be quicker than the one ahead of me.

I got lost in my worries. “If I get lost out here, if it gets too dark to see, will anyone come looking for me? Am I safe out here all alone? Why can’t I find the other hikers, did I take a wrong turn? When will this darn path head in the right direction?  What if it doesn’t?” I soon heard a noise, a branch snapping, and stopped cold. I looked up and saw 6 or 7 deer prancing deep into the woods in the distance, white tails raised behind them. I made a mental note that worrying so much keeps me from being aware of the beauty around me.

the woods were beautiful, gentle snowfall, alone, undisturbed trees standing guard.

The path continued to twist and turn in unexpected directions. I hoped it would lead someplace.

I realized I’m uncomfortable and afraid when wandering aimlessly. Afraid of being lost, and not reaching my goals. I had to push beyond my fear since my goal (the end of the path) was nowhere in sight.

Then I figured the path had to lead somewhere. It had an end. Just maybe not where I expected.

Soon thereafter, I saw a house. I didn’t care who’s house, it was an end to my path! I got closer and saw it was the house in which I was staying, phew! But when I arrived, I noticed I had the choice to follow the path towards it, or to plod onward. I chose the adventure and soon found myself between the house, and the temple on the property. I stood between them and realized that everything around me was the same, but I felt more brave and empowered. So, I ventured onto a small path, a “Meditation Path” I hadn’t noticed before.

I braved ice and twice had to take a literal leap of faith, from a rock, onto snow-covered ground which I didn’t know if it was firm, had ice underneath, or was inches deep. I ended up on my feet both times.

Here’s what I took away from my experience, and the comparisons I saw in a relocation experience:

1. I am afraid when I am in the unknown and feel lost.
2. Sometimes, things don’t go as expected, but following a path can lead to enriching experiences.
3. When panic struck, I immediately wanted to return to the familiar. (When you relocate and feel homesick or depressed, you may yearn for home, what you know, the escape…)
4. When I get stuck worrying and focus so much on life’s problems, I miss the beautiful things around me. (When you focus on all that’s going wrong in your experience, you’re probably not even noticing what’s going right.)
5. I persisted and found my way home, which made me feel inspired. (Often times, if you stay put and brave the journey ahead, you end up stronger for the experience.)
6. I chose a new path.  Courage leads to inspiration!
7. I took two leaps of faith and landed on solid ground, slipping once, but holding my ground, and realized I’m ok! (Relocating is, in it’s own way, a leap of faith. You may slip along the way, but you can find a way to make it work.)

* Research what nearby opportunities you have to walk or spend time in nature. *
** Want to learn more about Kadampa meditation retreats? Visit www.kadampa.org **

Today is my grandfather’s birthday.  Were he still alive, he would have turned 100 today.  Though he passed 7 years ago, I still think about him often.  The way his blue eyes always illuminated whenever I came for a visit, and the way he was always proud of even the smallest things I did.  In fact, I realized that he is my inspiration for meeting new people and making new friends.

My grandpa, no matter where we were, had this amazing ability to appeal to everyone around him.  He would always smile, and want to get to know you, and make you feel like an important person.  In fact, when I would visit him in the hospital, he had made friends with the entire staff of doctors and nurses.  I was always in awe!

What he tought me is that a warm smile, a sincere question, and laughter, are simple, and important, steps whenever you want to meet someone new.

Because it is my grandfather’s inspiration that helped me create them, in honor of my his 100th birthday, I’m offering you 50% off either my “Learn to Feel at Home Anywhere in the World” program (gives you an introduction to the core steps of relocating and making friends, satisfying your personal/emotional needs, and adjusting to professional changes) or my “Social Success Strategies” eBook (which is a deep-dive into how and where to make new friends and create a new social network after relocating.)

Just use code GRAMPS100 at checkout.  Offer good through Sunday, October 11th, 2009.

Happy birthday grandpa, and may his inspiration equally help and inspire you to make more friends.

I’m not sure where I heard this for the first time, but I think this is a beautiful, inspirational phrase, to have at your beck and call when you’re relocating.  To me, it implies that, no matter where in the world you are, you should always look for the opportunities for personal growth around you. This means you have to look up, instead of down, choose optimism over pessimism, and be open to trying new things, and approaching old things in a new way.

I offer you this simple phrase in the hopes that it may provide you with inspiration as you transition to a new culture!