DISCLAIMER: Let me begin this post by clarifying that this post is an attempt to question, and is not meant to offend anyone.  If it does, I apologize in advance.  I am using simply one or two personal incidents, but do not mean to imply these are the only incidents, or the only nationalities that behave this way, nor that everyone from any single culture behaves the same way.  I am a huge fan of people from all cultures, and of foreign language, and even practicing new and old ones anywhere I am!  So, this post is just an attempt to provide one viewpoint among many possible ones.

A recent event made me contemplate my experiences living and working in France where I encountered the term “The Ugly American”.  The way I learned it, it referred to what was considered an arrogant expectation that wherever in the world an American traveled, everyone should speak English, and there was no need to attempt to learn a local language.  I was so impacted by this image, and the desire to STOP perpetuating it, that it became an obsession of mine to learn foreign languages.  Though I have good working knowledge of six languages today, if I travel anywhere outside my comfort zone, I make it a point to memorize the phrase “do you speak English” in the local language, and bring a dictionary, and try to at least begin conversations in the host country language.

So, on a recent summer afternoon, when in Bryant Park, in New York City, I was quite struck by the following incident. I was waiting on a line (queue!) for the ladies room.  The line was fairly long, and the space rather small.  The bathroom attendant came around the line, yelled something in Spanish, then looked right at me and said, “Entiende?” as if I was stupid for not doing whatever it was she had just yelled.  Eventually, I, and the others in line with me, understood she was asking us to make more room for ladies exiting the bathroom.  However, the woman in front of me, who was from Atlanta, was quite perplexed – we commented that this would be quite normal if we were in any Spanish-speaking country, but as we were in New York, it surprised us that someone who was employed, therefore living in New York, would not be addressing us in English.  (Note, at Bryant Park, on any given day, the crowd is multinational, and probably no one understands the same language anyway!)

So, I wondered, have we reached a point where crossing cultures no longer means you are considered arrogant if you don’t learn and use the local language?  I know New York is a bit unique, and that our population is becoming increasingly Spanish-speaking as compared to other places, so this may be a unique issue.   I was equally surprised when I attended Jury Duty earlier this year.  Only citizens are allowed to perform this duty.  To become a citizen, you must either be born in the USA, or pass a citizenship test, after living here for a number of years. I had always presumed the citizenship test was administered in English.  So, when people selected for the same jury as me were questioned, and their eyes glazed over in confusion and they repeated, “no entiendo ingles”, I was again confused.  I can’t imagine going to another country and being granted citizenship without having at least a basic command of their language? After all, if the test were in their language, how would I otherwise pass it?

Again, this is post is not meant to insult, simply to question.   I am struck by the fact that Americans have been considered highly arrogant for crossing cultures and not making the effort to speak the local language.  So, having these experiences, I wondered if perhaps this stereotype had seen it’s final days, or whether Americans have perhaps perpetuated this image to such an extent that other cultures feel they should behave in the same fashion.  Or, perhaps so many people are now crossing cultures that domestic languages have less significance nowadays?

What are your thoughts on the subject?

For more information on learning local language and adapting to new cultures, click here.

Welcome to Working Wednesdays – the 10-part video series designed to help you understand and implement the basic steps you need to start a new business!

Today’s lesson is about delving further into your business choice by looking at personal experience, qualifications, competition and more.  Just click below to get started:

Today begins our next video series!  I was so inspired by all the great feedback from the last one that I’ve put together a new series.  This one will focus on starting a new business.  Though anyone who wants to start a business can benefit, this can be especially helpful to those of you out there who are an Accompanying Spouse looking for meaningful work, as well as an Expat who might just have a great idea.

This series will cover just the basics of taking a great idea into reality – what you need to consider to start your business, getting your business online, and more!  This is a 10-part series and will take place every Wednesday.

Today’s video will discuss the idea stage – how to determine WHAT to do and what business to create:

I am always excited about meeting people from different cultures.  Recently, while eating dinner at the bar of my local Japanese restaurant, I met a man from Iran who has lived in American for many years with his family. I asked him what he felt is the biggest cultural difference he notices between New York, and where he lived in Iran.  He said it is “Adama” (if I spelled that correctly?) which has to do with noticing one another.

Specifically, he feels that in Iran, people notice one another, and, as I would interpret it, have respect – this could be about minding your self and your belongings around other people, it could be about noticing others and making sure they are well, etc.  He feels that in New York, this quality is absent.  I can certainly attest to the fact that, for example, in the subway, when crowded, you will frequently find yourself with a bag pushed into your back, someone carelessly letting their bag rest on your leg if you are sitting, and people sitting in spaces much too small for them, resulting in them sitting on other people.

What’s your take on this concept?  In your culture, do you feel that people notice one another?

My younger brother just returned from a summer in France, similar to one of my experiences as a teenager. I was reminded of the importance of music as we transition cultures.

Music tends to either remind us of past experiences, or catapult us into new ones. It may help us cry when we need to, or feel renewed, excited, and like springing into action. Sometimes it’s great for inner calm. All-in-all, music can have a profound experience on our emotions. On my first trip to France, I recorded every song I heard (virtually!) off of “NRJ” – my favorite radio station in France! (And I still don’t care that friends call my taste “Euro-Trash”, I love it! ) When I listen to those songs today, I am transported back to the wonderful memories of that moment in my life.

The other thing I have noticed, when living and traveling abroad, is that music varies dramatically from country to country – at least some of it.  If you focus on things other than the American pop songs that play everywhere, you can start journeying into the culture you’re living in.  Finding local music you enjoy can help you create new memories in your new home.  You may find yourself looking forward to hearing a certain song you love – thus creating some excitement, which can be especially helpful on days you’re feeling a little down.

Music, of course, can also lead to dance – whether you watch others such as a local cultural event, or whether you go to a dance club or bar – again music can create some enjoyment and activity for you.

So, as you transition to a new culture, here are a few ideas, revolving around music, that might help you:

1. Before you move, make a special CD or mix for your MP3 player/cell phone (whatever gadget you might use!) that reminds you of fond moments you have from home.  You can play this music whenever you feel a bit homesick to help you remember that you haven’t lost your connection to home.  You can be with it in spirit and memory any time you need it.
2. After you move, find local radio stations with the rhythms/beats/sounds you most enjoy.  (I don’t want to use terms like “rock, classical, etc.” as these may not correlate to what you have access to).  If you find any music you particularly enjoy, consider getting a CD of that artist, and going to a concert, should they play in your area – use your favorite music to get you out in the world.
3. If you hear a song several times you love, and cannot figure out the artist, then hopefully you’ll hear it one day in a local bar, cafe, etc – ask the waiter/waitress if they know the name.  This is a nice way to start a conversation, as well as helping you to connect with the local music.
4. As you find more and more music you love, make sure to collect some of the songs.  Should you eventually repatriate, you’ll have a wonderful collection of songs to connect you with the place you left

* For more ideas on successfully transitioning to a new culture, click here! *

Today is our final day in the Culture Transition Tip Tuesday series.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the tips and look forward to hearing from you! here is Tip #10. 

If you’d like to cast your vote for the next topic covered in a video series related to transitioning
cultures, just click here!

My younger brother will soon be returning from his first summer in France.  I am overjoyed that he shares one of my first addictions and loves of France – “Le Monoprix”!

I’m not sure what it is that draws me, but I simply cannot stay away when I am in France.  Even worse, I want everything I see.  Kitchen gadgets that I cannot find in the USA, washcloths that are like gloves instead of flat squares, my beloved Timotei shampoo and Le Petit Marseillais body soap which remind me of happy memories in France.  Vache Qui Rit Apericubes in distinct flavors I cannot find in New York, Packages of lardons that I love to cook with and cannot find anyplace else, rows of foods that I want – not sure if it’s all the colors that appeal to me or the fact that the writing on the boxes are in French?

And who can pass up a jar of Amora – not only is that mustard some of the smoothest and subtly spiciest I know of, but you get a fun glass to use over and over after you’re done with the mustard!

So, musing over my joy that my brother is also addicted to Monoprix, I realize I’m not quite as crazy as I had thought.    Now, I do like Auchamps, and Chez LeClerc, but there is something so special about the Monoprix which offers you everything you need and didn’t know you needed in a small space.  Thinking about this addiction further, I realize that I also am quite fond of “Marks and Sparks” (food hall) and Sainsbury’s in England – perhaps it’s the plethora of Indian foods and spices, I’m not quite sure – and don’t get me started on Boots! (I know, it’s a drugstore, but that’s another one I find myself needing to visit on trips to England!)

Now that demand has brought some of my favorite foods and products from other countries to my “back yard”, I don’t have the same sense of immediate need that I once did, however, I cannot seem to escape this “need” I have to visit supermarkets, at least in Europe.  I’m not sure if it’s simply a question of being surrounded by fond memories that the products and places allow me to rekindle, or something more.  I mean, we have supermarkets in America that I certainly don’t have the same attraction to!

So, I wonder – does anyone else out there have a similar addiction – be it stores, supermarkets, or other – when you visit or live in foreign places?  Or, an addiction that you developed when living overseas, that you have to satisfy every time you visit that place after moving back home?

It’s Culture Transition Tip Tuesday again!

Here is Tip #10

We tend to think of Culture Shock as something that only affects us when we move to a different country. The truth, however, is that culture shock can occur even with domestic moves. And, the experience can be more impacting because you didn’t expect it. Expats, in particular, often go through two sets of adjustments – one being a new country, the other being a new city.

One of the most obvious times that this type of double culture shock will occur is when moving from a small town to a big city, such as New York. I remember when I was in college, I had a friend from Peoria, Illinois. I still remember his fascination as I described my high school being five stories tall, and he said, “You mean, in New York, the buildings go UP?!” In his town, he was accustomed to buildings that sprawled out on one floor.

This is a perfect example at one of the first differences you may notice – building size, and height. Sometimes when I return from a vacation to a place like Arizona, even I feel momentarily claustrophobic in Manhattan. This is one of the possible impacts of moving to a big city – you may feel enclosed, boxed in, seeking out sky, and seeing only huge towers in every direction.

There is something about “the big city” that also impacts social behavior. In big cities, it is more likely that people will be in a rush. They may be late for work or an appointment, and their eyes are often cast downward, or straight ahead, focusing on getting where they need to go. People walk with purpose, as if there is not enough time. In a smaller town, people are more inclined to stroll leisurely. Time seems to actually move more slowly, and if you try to rush, everyone will probably have a nickname for you! People are also more likely to look one another in the eye, say hello, or at least smile, as they pass one another.

This brings me to another point – the experience of being known. In a small town, people look at you, and notice you. Even if you feel lonely, you’re likely to find that someone will ask how your day is going, even if they are a relative stranger. You may even know and spend time with your neighbors, or store owners. In a big city, it’s much more likely that you’ll be isolated – it’s a bizarre paradox, actually. There are so many more people to meet, but everyone is wrapped up in their own worlds, and don’t seem to have time, so they are less likely to get to know you, and you can easily go an entire day without exchanging any more words apart from “Excuse me” and “I’ll have a ham sandwich on whole wheat bread.”

Another potential downside of moving from small town to big city is how much trust you can have in people. I once dated a man from a small town in Ireland. I felt awful for him one day when we met for lunch and he told me that a man in the street approached him, told him he had an urgent situation and needed to call his family, but had no money. He asked my boyfriend to loan him a few dollars, which he promised to return. So, my boyfriend, being accustomed to honest, well-intentioned people, loaned the man $20. The man then ran off, never to return.

Transportation can be overwhelming in a big city. If you’re used to walking, or perhaps the “Main Street bus”, you’ll find the metro or subway like navigating veins and arteries in the bloodstream – impossible to follow or make sense of until you get used to how they function, which lines work best, and best points to transfer lines. And, on the streets, you’ll shift from slow traffic to what feels like a race car track you’re trying to walk across during the Indie 500!

Now that we’ve looked at some shifts to expect, let me leave you with a few tips on how you can make the transition a bit easier, and find some familiarity among the “iron jungle”:

1. If you feel overwhelmed by the height and proximity of city buildings, find the nearest park and spend time there as often as possible. Being in nature is a great way to literally expand the horizon and take a break. If the park doesn’t do it for you, then take a train or a bus to a nearby town on the weekends. This will both help you escape the big buildings, and potentially even help you find some “small town” familiarity.
2. Join a local club, organization, sports team, etc. It’s a lot easier to meet people, and more likely you’ll become friends, if you find a way to do something that happens repeatedly on a weekly or even monthly, basis. The more you see the same people, the more inclined they will be to get to know you.
3. It’s unfortunate, but in a big city, you do need to watch your wallet. I suggest you offer your money to charity rather than hand-outs to every person that asks you. (And, in a big city, there are a lot of people that will ask you for money, so you’ll quickly go broke if you oblige!)
4. Keep your eyes open for a local store or café that reminds you of home. Even in a large city, there are places that, once inside, may have items that remind you of something special from the place you’ve moved from. They may even have a slower pace of life – perhaps just a few people, and a sense of timelessness. If you happen across one, write down the name and address and visit once in a while.
5. Give yourself permission to adjust. It will take some time. If you can keep a journal, it will be a great place for you to review every few weeks to observe how overwhelm or fear might be shifting to confidence and happiness. Make sure to reward yourself when it does happen!
6. Hire an Expat Coach – they have gone through the same changes as you, and can be an excellent resource to help you with the transition process.

* Need to find an Expat Coach?  Check out The Expat Coach Directory for your single resource to a more fulfilling life in a new culture! *

It’s Culture Trasition Tip Tuesday once again!

Here is Tip #9