If you find yourself relocating alone and feel lonely or on your own, I cannot recommend enough the power of a local restaurant offering the possibility of dining at the bar.

For some reason, Japanese restaurants offer the most welcoming of bar dining experiences in many places I have traveled. Not only do you of course get to enjoy watching the sushi chefs preparing meals, but you’re very likely to find either another lone diner, or else other people very open to a conversation outside their party.

I found myself alone for dinner one recent evening in San Francisco, so chose a recommended Japanese place (Sanraku, if you are in the area!) and sat at the bar. At some point into my meal, I ended up meeting two gentlemen at the other end of the bar who were both well traveled and multi-lingual, so we had much in common, and much to share.

The beauty of this is that you stop focusing on feeling alone because you are instantly connected to other people. Even if you don’t end up the best of friends, or ever speak or see one another again, this is a wonderful way to surround yourself with the possibility of shifting from lonely thoughts to being more connected.

I recently met a wonderful Australian woman spending time in California. Though she was only spending about a week there, she was noticing that she had to repeat herself several times in order to be understood to most people.

One of the things I think few people prepare for, when moving to another country where people speak the “same language”, say US to England, or Scotland, or Australia, etc, is that it’s not the same language at all!

Accents are difficult enough to have you realize “you’re not in Kansas anymore” and words that are basic to your vocabulary may become intolerably difficult to speak and hear. However words themselves may be vastly different in spelling or meaning or pronunciation. Consider:

Aluminum Foil vs Aluminium

Fag = cigarette in England, and is quite insulting in America

Some English speaking countries also bring in rhyming expressions you’ll never figure out without a good dictionary, like “Apples and Pears” for stairs, or “Sceptic Tanks” for Yanks!

So, if you’re planning a move to a country where you think things will be easy because the language is the same, you’ll be setting yourself up for quite a shock. Instead, try spending some time before you move actually looking at dictionaries, or, better yet, speaking with people from that country to get used to the accent and words.

Sometimes when you’re stuck in a rut, or feel a bit lost in a new place, one of the greatest things to do is something you haven’t before!

I was reminded of this recently when I took a Zumba class at the gym for the first time.  I got to move parts of me I had forgotten I had, my body loosened up, and it was exhillarating joy to dance to great music along with some great ladies.  The best part was that half the time I had no idea what I was doing, and nobody cared!  Having been in so many classes where everyone has to get the move just right, this was such a release and relief from perfection and much appreciated.

So, the next time you feel stuck, or lost, just go out into your neighborhood, or your gym, and try something you’ve never experienced before.  It goes a long way towards reviving your spirits.

The crisis in Egypt reminds me how difficult it is to be an Expat, living away from home, during a time of unrest, and worried about the safety of loved ones still there.  I remember being stuck in Australia on September 11th.  I will never forget it, and the feelings of helplessness that go along with being far from home, and unable to know if family and close friends are ok.

Even if your Expat experience is going very well, moments like this can throw you for a loop.  You can’t predict them, and if you don’t have a way to stay in reliable contact with loved ones, and you can’t be with them, you may feel homesick.

So, what do you do to handle times like this?  Here are a few suggestions, and feel free to add your own -

• If you are able to connect with anyone from home, make immediate plans and backup plans, on how best to communicate.  Get clear information on whether or not telephones, cell phones, internet connection, etc are available to them, and what their emergency plans are.
• If you can’t connect with anyone from home, make a list of other friends and family you have in other places, and reach out to them to see if they have heard from your loved ones.  If they have, ask them to keep you informed should they hear anything further.
• See if there is a local Embassy, Consulate, Meetup Group or any other kind of formal gathering of people from your home nation.  Join their events to connect with other people sharing the same concerns as you, and to stay up-to-date on events.
• Monitor your stress and make sure you find an outlet for it

One of those “small” things that makes a big difference in feeling at home is being a regular.  What I mean by that is, maybe you get your newspaper in the same spot every day, or take a coffee at the same cafe – basically, by frequenting the same place as a paying customer, the store owner or an employee gets so used to seeing you that they might say hello, ask how your day was, or have a conversation with you.

I was reminded of this essential strategy recently.  At the risk of divulging how much I LOVE wine (especially red, and especially Malbec at the moment), I went to the same old liquor store I go to whenever I need something.  Over the holidays, I happened to have a coupon, saving me 20% off any 6 bottles of wine (all gone now!) and treated myself to some Bailey’s Irish Cream, and also got a gift for a few family members who love Tanquerray!  So, when I walked in recently to replace my empty bottle of my new favorite Malbec (by La Madrid, in case you wanted to know!) I sadly learned they were out.  So, one of the employees who happened to help me over the holidays, suggested another bottle.  He brought me to the cash register and, because he knows I shop there a lot, gave me a 10% discount without my asking!

Now, it’s not just the discount, that was a nice bonus, but the point is, because I’m a regular customer at this neighborhood store, one of the managers happens to greet me when I enter, offer to help me, and is exceptionally kind.  Even in a neighborhood I know well, I know how valuable  this level of contact can be to feel “known”.  Now, I’m not saying you need to get lots of alcohol (!), but I am saying, whatever you buy habitually, try to find a place you like, and, after a move, go there as much as possible as one strategy to feel a little more at home.

I’m very excited to introduce the new and greatly improved Expat Coach Association!  For any of you out there that are Expats, Expat Coaches, Businesses, anyone at all involved in the process of transitioning cultures for work, for love, for studies, for religion, for government….we’d very much love to have you on board!

Please click here to visit the new website where you will find an FAQ section, and a video tour on our homepage, and let us know your feedback!

While I’m on my series of “trivial” things that can cause culture shock, I realized on my recent trip to Florida that animals are yet another thing you don’t always think about as causing this common feeling.

One of the things I like best about visiting my mom in Florida is seeing all the lizards everywhere.  I try to slowly approach them and photograph them before they leap (yes, they really leap!) or run off.  Lizards, you see, are not something common to Manhattan, except, perhaps, in my local pet store.  Even then, they do not have all the varieties that exist in Florida, nor the enjoyment of open space within which to reign.

In Australia, I absolutely loved the kangaroos and went to many zoos and refuges to feed them.  Australians I met, however, considered them rats or roadkill!  But, if you are Australian and accustomed to kangaroos and koalas, and you move away from home, you will no longer find these animals anyplace but, perhaps, the zoo.

Seeing animals you have never seen around you in the wild, or the absence of such animals, can easily cause you to miss home.  This can also make you realize how different your current surroundings are from the place you’ve moved.  You might miss them, you might look forward to discovering them, but either way, this is yet another “small” example of the things you might overlook when relocating.

I came across an interesting quote from Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love -

” I had long ago loearned that when you are the giant, alient visitor to a remote and foreign culture it is sort of your job to become an object of ridicule.  It’s the least you can do, really, as a polite guest.”

I thought that was an interesting summation of the early days of an expat experience.  Your ways are different than those around you.  Your voice, your accent, your language, your dress….everything is different.  And, as the guest in that country, if you look and dress differently than everyone else, you may find yourself subject to a certain amount of ridicule – not necessarily malicious, just noticing your differences and thinking they are funny. 

I remember my first summer living with a French host family, they found it hillariously funny, (and a bit pathetic) at how much I loved Coca Cola, and Laughing Cow processed cheese.  My host mom would buy them for me, and everyone would laugh as I happily drank coke in the place of good French wine and cheese.  (Believe me, I more than make up for these mistakes now!)  I found it funny that my host brother, Jean-Charles, who laughed loudest and longest, was helping himself to my Coca Cola after some time, but continued to laugh at me!

On one of my first trips to England, I couldn’t find Gloucester road.  I was with two friends, and since none of us had a clue where we were, I asked the nearest policeman, “Hello, could you please help us find Gloucester Road?” I asked.  But, I pronounced it as “Glow-chester” which had the officer doubled over in laughter and poking his colleague to get in on the joke!

I like Ms. Gilbert’s point – if you can get to a place of peaceful understanding that it is to be expected that people in other cultures will probably laugh at you for how you dress, behave, etc. – you won’t feel so alienated, rather, you’ll take it in stride.

What experiences have you had where you “accidentally” made someone laugh, just by being yourself in another culture?

I am a very strong advocate that if you’re moving overseas, you absolutely have to make the effort to learn a new language. In a recent moment at my gym, I was reminded of how language plays a key role in standing your ground. I was warming up for my spinning class, and another woman who takes the class was just outside the door, which is made of glass. A man in the class, left the room to get water, and opened the glass door…slamming it right into this woman…and kept walking! She confronted him and suggested he could apologize for hitting her with the door! Seems like a small thing, but if you’re in another country and cannot speak the language, something this “small” becomes an act of DISempowerment.

This is why one element of learning a foreign language is EMPOWERMENT. Let me give you a couple of personal examples.

I studied in Italy one summer, and on my return home, my flight, from Rome to New York, was delayed.  This was due to another flight, also going from Rome to New York, being canceled.  All those passengers were fighting to get seats on my flight.  There was a desk, and 2 women at computers, working on the passengers.  I soon noticed that not only were they NOT bothering to check those of us with valid seats in, but there was also no real order to anything.  I stood on the “line” as best I could, but after some time, a man walked up from behind me, looked at me with a “stupid foreigner” gaze, and stepped literally, right in front of me.  It made me feel completely disrespected, not to mention, afraid I would lose my seat to him.  Happily, I studied Italian in Italy.  So I walked up to him and said, “YO SONO PRIMA DI TE” – roughly “I am in front of you!”  He looked at me, completely shocked, and stepped out of my way!  Observing the lack of order, I then literally threw my passport onto the desk, and demanded my ticket, and got it! 

In another incident, I went to a bar in Paris with some friends.  We were minding our own businesses, when I suddenly felt the pressure of someone pushing against me from behind.  After a few moments, it still hadn’t stopped, and there was not much space for me to move.  So, I turned around and found myself face-to-face with an angry French woman.  She had the nerve to say to me, in French, “You could at least move a little!”  To that, I replied, “You could at least say ‘Excuse me’.”  Her mouth shut, she stepped back, and left me alone.

So, to anyone out there who doubts the power and important of learning a new language, I hope these examples show you otherwise!

* For more tips on learning a new language and adapting to a new culture, click here! *

The final thing I noticed on my recent trip to Ireland as a big difference between life in New York, and life in Dublin, was eye contact.

This is, in my opinion, one of the oddest cultural differences I have experienced – most noteably because of its impact on me.  In New York, you can go an entire day without making eye contact with anyone.  In fact, depending on where you are, and the situation, making eye contact could actually get you in trouble, or start a fight!  It seems like we go to great lengths to avoid eye contact, and sometimes, if you try, it may actually be taken almost as a challenge.

In Dublin, however, people actually look one another in the eye.  Walking down the street, most of the people I passed looked me in the eye – either staring, or with a smile.  It made me feel noticed.    This is no small thing – if you come from a place where eye contact is normal, and move someplace where it is not, this seemingly small action can actually lead you to feel isolated and depressed.  I really noticed how deep it hit me to be noticed.  I was almost laughing at this because, living in New York, I don’t even realize I’m missing it.  But in Ireland, this very small action, had very huge meaning.

Another significant difference, on this same level, was that people noticed themselves around others.  What I mean by this is that if someone bumped in to me, they always turned, looked at me, and apologized.  They treat one another with a certain level of respect, even in a big city.  In New York, passerby don’t even seem to notice one another, even if they smack you with a large, heavy bag.  They keep going, unobservant, and uncaring, a good part of the time.

Awareness of self, and those around you, play a key role in your adapting to a new culture. 

* For other ways to successfully adapt to a new culture, click here! *