Fresh back from my vacation in France, I had a good laugh at a few cultural differences that highlight some of the key differences between our cultures.

In America, when it comes to service, we tend to be very helpful and forthcoming with information. There is a “Yes I can” attitude (though economic woes are changing that a bit).

In France, however, one should always brace for “non” as in “no, it’s not possible”, and often, information is only obtained, if it is asked for. As an example, I traveled back from France via London and was unsure whether I needed to do my detaxe/VAT refund in Paris or in London. So, I waited on line for the refund in Paris. The gentleman with customs who helped me, informed me that since England was to be the last country I was in prior to trraveling to the US, I should do the refund there. “Are you sure?” I inquired. (Yes, I really did dispute the customs agent’s information!)

“Yes,” he replied, “even though they don’t use the Euro, you have to do it there.”

“I just don’t want them to tell me I should have done it in France,” I implored.

“No problem,” he replied.

At this point, I could have walked away, thinking I had the right information, gotten on my flight, and seen what happened. Instead, I thought to ask, “One last question – as the customs agent will need to see the items I bought, and they are in my luggage with me now, which will be checked, and unavailable, when I get to London, do I still do the refund there?”

“Ah, non,” came the reply, “in this case,m as an exception, you must do it in Paris.”

The other fun part of customer service is, well, the lack of it. I upgraded to Buisness Class, and was sent to a special check-in area – “the speedy check-in” counter, available only for firstt class passengers. Ironically, it was packed – as packed as economy check-in. And, there were only 2 check-in agents available, one of whom was being trained. With only one hour till my flight, I realized I’d miss it. So, I approached another agent, inquiring whether I should worry. She replied, “No, madame, everyone on line with you has their flight in one hour as well.”

“So, then, my flight won’t leave wihtout me?” And this was my favorite part. She replied, “A priori, non” which basically means, “probably not.” She then told me to be patient.

Ironically, within 5 minutes, 6 more check-in agents appeared from thin air, getting us through check-in within moments.

I find the best thing you can do when traveling abroad or living abroad is to try an understand the mentality around service, and learn to leverage it. If I had screamed at the agent to get more check-in representatives, I’m quite sure she would have turned away and ignored me. By understanding that in France, for example, you will often encounter “non” as an answer to many requests for service, especially at an airport or government office, you can then learn how to get to “yes” by keeping calm.

Building on my last post about the growth in our knowledge of foreign languages, another concept that fascinates me is acronyms.  In American (yes, I am distinguishing American and English as those of you who are British out there, I’m sure agree needs to be done!) I am used to a plethora of 3 and 4 letter acronyms that pervade my life. 

There are the ones that represent organizations and places, such as “The Met” for The Metropolitan Museum of Art, but I’m referring more to the ones that have woven their way into our language and pop up, especially, in text messages, Instant Messages, emails, and so forth.

For example, LOL = Lots of Laughter, LMAO = Laughing My Ass Off.  TMI = Too Much Information….and the list goes on.

So, I don’t know why I should have been so amused, but when my French host family came for a visit, I was introduced to some of their acronyms which are used in the same vein.  It’s this bizarre experience where our languages have something very much in common, but yet, I had a bit of a giggle when they used expressions in French.  Here is one such example.

Camille, one of the 10-year old twin girls (my host niece), was holding my hand one evening as we walked to a restaurant for dinner.  She was hungry and a bit impatient, and asked me how much further we had to walk until we arrived at dinner. 

I responded, “Oh, Camille, actually, we’re not going to dinner right now.  I wanted you to see New York at night, so I’m going to walk you back and forth on every side street, till you’ve seen them all!  We should be done in a couple of days.”

Camille, who has the face of a darling angel, somehow managed to contort it into the perfect blend of synicism and devilish frustration and understanding, and popped out, in the perfect sarcastic tone, “Je meurs de rire.”  (I’m dying laughing.) 

After this phrase had been uttered the first time, I learned that it is referred to as “MDR”, and the remainder of our week contained the acronym “MDR” several times a day. 

Somehow, I feel like I got a little glimpse into a deeper understanding and knowledge of French language and culture, just with a new acronym.  A new phrase and acronym that I can pop out when someone in France tries to get the best of me.

A recent email exchange with my host sister went like this:

Me: “I have some very important news for you!  Remember that beer you introduced me to, Tripel Karmeliet?  I found it at a supermarket near my apartment for $3 less than we paid!”

My Host Sister: “Super!  Have a glass for us!”

Me: “I finished the whole bottle!”

My host sister: “MDR!”

So much can be said with so few words – bridging culture, experience, and friendship.

My mom and I recently had lunch at an Asian restaurant on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.  When I say Asian, I mean they have Chinese, Japanese, and Thai food!  (It’s delicious, too.)  The staff seemed all Asian to me, but the diners were a blend of probably many different nationalities.

After we paid our bill, we put on our winter coats.  Our table was not cleared off yet, and I was still using my chair as I slowly dressed for the cold weather.  To exit, I had to turn away from our table, walk down an aisle and then over to the doorway.  However, when I turned from my table (which still had remnants of our meal),  I found myself standing face-to-face with an elderly Chinese woman.  She wanetd my seat, and made some hand gesture AT me, which I inferred meant I was a horrible human being for not immediately getting out of her way.  The woman behind her, whom I presume was her daughter, told her mother something, and her mother then pushed by me to get to the table behind me.

The experience made me wonder about expectations we all might or should have when crossing cultures.  Here I was, eating in an Asian restaurant, in the Upper East Side of New York, in America.  I am not an expert on Chinese culture, but I do believe hierarchy is much more prominent as is the concept of respect and obedience for your elders.  I imagine, were I to dine in China, I might be expected to show honor and respect for elders in a restaurant in some specific fashion.  But, here in New York, should the same be expected of me?  Am I rude for not getting out of the way?  Does she have the right to expect me to honor her cultural values outside her country?  Now, I would say, had I been in Chinatown, which is very much like a mini China where you can easily not see a word of English for blocks on end, I might not have been so surprised.  But, on the Upper East Side?  Or, is New York such a mix of diverse cultures that we are all entitled to our expectations to the point that we will no doubt encounter cultural clashes every day?

I don’t know that there is a right or a wrong answer, but I found the concept very intriguing.  What are your thoughts?

A recent article in The New York times caught my attention.  It was titled, “Necessity Pushes Pakistani Women Into Jobs and Peril“.

In Pakistani culture and religion, women should not place themselves in situations where they interact with men. The problem is, families are struggling to make ends meet, and need the money these women are bringing home to survive.  So, they punish these women, yet find it acceptable to use the money they are providing for their family.  This will obviously be a huge conflict for Pakistan as they wrestle the need to have families achieve economic survival, versus staunch tradition of culture and religion.  Fundamentally, however, isn’t there something a bit hypocritical in punishing and beating the hand that feeds you, and then taking the money? 

What are your thoughts?  Click here to read the full article.

One of the most seemingly insignificant culture differences I have found is ice – as in ice cubes that go in your drinks!  Raised in America, I was accustomed to ice in everything from water to soda.  I simply never thought of having my beverages any other way.  Then I went to France.

In France, starting on the Air France flight, there was no ice in my drinks.  I was baffled, and had to ask for it.  When I arrived in France, I would have to request ice cubes literally every place I went, until, at some point, I don’t know when, I stopped having ice in my drinks.  Not only that, I LIKED my drinks without ice!

Nowadays, when in America, I ask for NO ice in my drinks – ESPECIALLY on the airplane.  I find that ice takes up too much room in the glass, you get hardly any drink, and it’s just in the way when you try to enjoy your drink.  Somehow, and I don’t know when it happened, I adopted this “no ice in my drink” policy and haven’t looked back.

So, when I was recently in Florida, I was flabbergasted when I ordered a Kir (white wine and blackcurrant) at a popular bar, and it arrived, to my horror, in a glass filled with ice!  Even in New York, I have never seen an ice-filled Kir.  I actually cringed when it arrived.  But, understanding that one must taste things before you can understand if you like them, I ventured a sip.  It was actually awful!  I have never in my life, in fact, tasted such an awful Kir.  So, I called the bartender over and asked him to kindly take the ice out of the glass.

He replied, “Most people here [Florida] like it that way.  It depends where you’re from.”  I had no idea I would experience such a vast diference even between New York and Florida, though, since Florida is hot, of course, I guess it makes sense that people would like ice in their drinks, even alcohol.

It is often these mundane differences that cause us the most surprise and confusion in a new country, so make sure to pay attention to even the smallest of differences, and take the time to try them, sometimes you may discover something you like!

* For more ideas on adapting to new cultures, click here! *

I’m just back from a fantastic retreat to Utah.  One of the things I did while there was an activity called “Meet the Mustangs”.  It is one of the most meaningful and fulfilling activities I’ve ever done in my life.  I learned far more than I ever expected to – about myself, and about language, communication and culture.

The idea of the program is quite robust.  If you vist http://www.windhorserelations.org/new/meet-the-mustangs you can read all about it. But it boils down to lessons on communication, leadership, and trust.

Prior to my experience last week, I hadn’t spent much time with horses.  My biggest memory is of riding a horse in summer camp, around the age of 12. We were walking down a trail and it stepped into a hole, lost its footing, and I ended up sitting upon its head, holding on for dear life.  I have been afraid of horses ever since.

So, you can imagine my fear and trepidation when the first thing I was asked to do was step inside a small pen with a giant Mustang, alone, and learn to approach it.  I was absolutely petrified, and hoped the program leader would open the door and rescue me.  Instead, she left me there, instructing me to walk aimlessly towards this massive animal and when I got near the horse, to slowly extend the back of my hand for her to sniff, and then to use the back of my hand to pet her. 

First test successful – she did not rear, kick me, or step on me, but she wasn’t very interested in me either. I pet her in a very timid fashion, and she seemed more interested in drinking her water.

I should preface this by telling you that Mustangs run wild in Utah.  There used to be 2 million of them, now there are only 30,000 because the government has decided to curb the population.  So, the ranch I went to had aquired these previously wild horses and gotten them accustomed to people.  Well, mostly, because they are still wild in nature, apart from a few born in captivity.

Next event – I went into a corral with about 8 horses.  This time I was not left alone, but that left me with small comfort.  There were 8 giant horses staring at me.  Did I mention they were huge? My heart beat with fear. I didn’t know whether to bolt out and jump over the fence, or to remain perfectly still so they wouldn’t trample me. I tried to remain calm.  I told my teachers everything I was feeling and they told me the horses felt the same way!  I got a lesson in authenticity – apparently the Mustangs feel safer with you if you act as you feel.  So, if you’re afraid, don’t pretend to be confident as this will spook the horses.  I literally stood in place, watching the horses as they ran around, or stood staring at me.  After a while, some of my fear dissipated, such that I was able to venture over to one and pet her – Jasper.  Some unseen barrier was broken when I did this.  I began to feel more at ease.  I watched the pack run around and picked the mare out – she was able to run among the pack without being pushed or nipped, and when she changed direction, so did the pack. I realized that the longer I stood in their presence, the more comfortable I felt.  The trainers told me that this is exactly how they train the horses – they get a chair and sit in the corral with the horses until they approach the trainer out of curiousity….

* Keep a lookout for Part 2 of my experience in a few days! *

Here’s a collection of interesting Expat-related surveys and articles I came across the past few days -

Click here to read about a special opportunity for American Expats in China.

Click here to read about how expatriates planning to reside in the UAE may soon need to pass a cultural understanding exam to secure a visa.

Click here to learn about increased number of women expatriates going to work in India, and the positive impact to the rental market there.

Click here to read about how Australians are earning great salaries overseas, but Expats to Australia are not faring as well.

Saudi Arabia may naturalize long-term Expats.  Click here to read more.