Welcome back to another “Culture Transition Tip Tuesday”!

Here is Tip #3

It’s “Culture Transition Tip Tuesday” again! 

Here is Tip #2

Growing up in Manhattan, going to school, and competing on many sports teams throughout Middle and Upper School grades, my life seemed to revolve more around school and friends and activities than anything else.  My parents both worked, so I had a Nanny who looked after me once home from school, and she often prepared our “home-cooked meals”.

If I went out with my friends, it would be a matter of letting my parents know I wouldn’t be home for dinner, and off I went.

So, when I went off to France to live on a farm with my host family in Normandie, France as a teenager, one of the biggest cultural shifts for me was that lunch and dinner were considered compulsory family time.  These were not meals to take lightly, and if errands or other plans came up, the time of a meal might be adjusted gently forward or back to accommodate.  I quickly learned that making plans during meal times not only felt taboo, but I had to give explicit details about my plans and when I would return, and would I have eaten.  At first, I found this irritating, as I’m sure many teens would.  But after a while, I began to love the family time that ensued.  No matter what happened in a day, meal time guaranteed that I would see all members of my host family (at the time that meant no less than ten people at the dining table), learn something new, and partake in various conversations about life, politics, and jokes.

The following summer, I lived with a French family in the suburbs.  At the time, my host father in this family worked, and my host mother stayed home to care for her younger children.  Every day, Dany, my host dad, would return home from his office to have lunch with the family.  Being from a culture where workday lunch is handed to me in a brown paper bag from the deli cashier, I was amazed that Dany would come all the way home.  Of course, my host mother’s cooking is worth traveling thousands of miles for, so that I could understand!  Though this family is not a farm family, and I’d equate them with Middle Class Americans in terms of status, they, too, made the effort to be together at meal times.

This is how I got my first glimpse of the difference between the frequent American habit of living for work, versus the French tradition of working for life.  Meal time conversations I am accustomed to in American revolve around the workplace – “how was your day?” “Did the boss yell at you again today?” “When’s your next business trip?” and so forth.  In France, however, my host families and I might discuss the theory of work, but the details of a lousy day were left behind for more interesting discussions on how we all felt about a random subject, culture, or event.  We would always discuss subjects that the entire family could contribute to, and they usually had nothing to do with work.

For foreigners that come and live in the United States, I think our culture can be greatly annoying in this regard.  Americans always ask, “What do you do?” as if this defines us.  People from other countries, in my experience, are more intrigued by what interests you, than what you do for a living.  It is the life outside the office that has greater importance.

** For more information on cultural differences to expect when moving to a new country, click here!

I’m often amazed at how different life can be within virtually the same place.

On a recent drive between Upstate New York and Manhattan, there were many things I noticed that stood out as “different”, that I imagine would cause one to have some degree of culture shock if trying to move from, say, Manhattan, to Upstate New York.  Though within the same state, I think anyone moving overseas would notice similar adjustments.

Trailer parks. Trailer parks are essentially trailers that have been made into homes.  They are usually rectangular in shape, and contain a sleeping room, a washroom, and a common room.  These are not things you see in Manhattan, but are more common in certain places outside The City.  These homes are much less expensive than a house, and are normally arranged in clusters.

Trees.  Manhattan is full of apartments and office buildings as far as the eye can see, with a dash of trees in Central Park. When you leave the city, the trees are as abundant as skyscrapers and tall buildings are.  It adds a layer of serenity and beauty and nature that can either feel relaxing or make you stir crazy because it can seem that there is nothing but grass and trees any way you look.

Noise. New York is noisy.  With a few exceptions, no matter where you go, you can’t escape car honking, loud-talking, police car and fire truck sirens, and the garbage being picked up in the wee hours of the morning.  In the countryside, you’ll go to sleep to complete silence.  Sometimes, the silence is deafening if you’re used to New York noise!  The silence has kept me awake on a few occasions, especially because the utter silence means that the tiniest noise can become exaggerated to your ears.

Children playing.  In Manhattan, you see toddlers on leashes, or being run after by a concerned parent who wants to make sure they don’t cross into the street.  Older children and teenagers normally socialize in cafes, movie theaters, or Central Park in The City.  Once you get to the suburbs and the countryside, you’re more likely to find kids riding their bikes or throwing a ball in the street.  This can take you by surprise if you’re used to protecting your kids, or, vice versa, if you’re used to letting them roam freely and feel like you always know where they are, and then end up in a big city.

Transportation.  In Manhattan, I have never owned a car, nor would I consider it.  You simply don’t need one with all the different types of transportation that exist.  Not to mention that parking garage fees are almost as expensive as a second rent!  However, outside of New York, especially way Upstate, cars are the only transportation!  Well, it can seem that way because if you call for a taxi, you may have to wait a long time for them to arrive at your house.  Apart from that, you will have to either rely on a car, or walk for miles before finding some sort of civilization.

Restaurants.  In New York, you can find everything – from gourmet to garbage – when your stomach starts growling.  Once in a less-populated area, your choices go down.  If there is a more gourmet type restaurant, it may be the only one of it’s kind and impossible to get a seat.  Other choices may feel more like casual or fast food fare.

Wildlife.  In Manhattan, I see dogs every day (and recently, a woman walking her CAT on a leash in Central Park – his name was Goldie and he was quite affectionate!) and pigeons.  Once into nature, I have seen deer, all sorts of birds, raccoons (ok, there is one who dwells in Central Park as of late!), and other more exotic-seeming animals.  Some people have bears in their backyard at times, and hear the howls of coyote in the distance.  This is another big difference between city-life and more rural or suburban life.

** For more differences you’ll notice when transitioning cultures and cities, and tips on how to manage them, click here! **

For those of you that have an iPhone, thought you might be interested to know about a few apps that can help you cross cultures!  It’s so true, there really is an app for everything, and these made my list of favorites:

CultureGPS: This app shows you the 5D model that explains intercultural differences in terms of 5 key factors they have researched.  Then you can look up a country, and see how people traditionally behave in each category.  Very handy to have a deeper understanding of a culture’s social behaviors.

World Customs and Cultures:  This one is pretty cool, though you may want to verify all the accuracy.  Essentially, pick a country and get a fantastic list of essentials to understand – how people greet one another, eye contact traditions, gestures, Gender issues, taboo behaviors and more!  Fantastic way to get a high-level understanding of a foreign culture!

Fr.Culture:  This one is specific to France.  Gives you access to some typical French music, TV and more!

Country & Area Codes:  Haven’t personally tried this one, but it offers a solution for understanding country codes and area codes when you need to dial another country which could come in pretty handy!

MojoLingual:  quick translator between any two languages!

There’s still time to help save the earth’s oceans – the recent oil spill off the coast of Louisiana is one more example of why we need to do something fast – AND learn to successfully transition to a new culture. 

Through May 10th I’ll be supporting the Prince Albert II of Monaco Foundation (he’s about to be honored by the Oceana foundation!).  Any product purchase you, or anyone you know, makes from Culture Transition Coaching will award this charity 50% of the profit to help save our oceans.

Please help me in this cause and spread the word!  If you’re not interested in a product, then please consider a direct donation to this worthy cause!

As some of the more regular readers of my blog may know, it is my goal to help people transition cultures, and simultaneously help make the world a better place.

With that goal in mind, in honor of Earth Day 2010, I would like to announce the next charity I want to support.  This evening, I saw a new French film called “Oceans”.  It’s an amazing film, full of beauty, but also of brutal honesty of how we are destroying our oceans and the life within.  I highly recommend seeing it.  Be forewarned, there is some real life depiction of one of the most horrific acts of cruelty I have ever seen in my life with regard to sharks.  I was practically sobbing, and sick to my stomach, and hope this behavior will be stopped.  Shark fins are important in Chinese culture – they are used for shark fin soup, typically for occasions such as weddings – and also in high demand by the more affluent, and with the rise in the Chinese economy, so rises this demand.  The problem is, aside from the complete inhumane treatment of the animals which as many environmental organizations and animal rights activists are upset about, bringing these animals to the verge of extinction will profoundly alter the ecosystem.

Though I do appreciate that each country has traditions that are to be respected, often having origins way in the past, the way these animals are treated leaves me upset and baffled. 

The movie does end on a much more positive note – a hopeful message that we can still work together to save the oceans and our planet.

The charity behind the film is the ”Prince Albert II of Monaco Foundation”.  They are helping to save the ocean and more.  So, through May 10th, any product purchase you, or anyone you know, makes from Culture Transition Coaching will award this charity 50% of the profit to help save our oceans.

Please help me in this cause and spread the word!

I found myself watching a kid’s TV show yesterday called “Ni Hao – Kai Lin”, and just as I was going to change the channel, I got sucked into the theme of the episode – fear of things that are different.  I decided to keep watching, and it was like seeing an Expat Coach in action for kids!

In the episode, all the characters attend a birthday party in the clouds. Everyone is having loads of fun, except Hoho, the monkey shown in the photo here.  He is very upset because, as he puts it, “Everything is so different.”  The food is different, the birthday hats are different (hippo hats), the see-saw is different (it goes in a circle instead of up and down.)

Isn’t this the epitome of a move to a new culture?  Everything is different, right down to the streets you may walk on when outside.  And, often times our first reaction to change and differences is to withdraw, and be fearful.  In the TV show, this is what Hoho did, and he ended up all by himself while everyone else had fun.  This reminded me of how we tend to self-isolate ourselves if we get stuck in the fear.

Luckily, one of Hoho’s friends encouraged him to just try something, even though it was different.  After hesitating for quite a while, Hoho finally gives in and tries a peach candy, saying that it’s so different from the banana crackers he is used to.  As he chews the peach candy, he realizes just how different it is, but is surprised to find that he likes it!  This makes him so excited that he asks for a hippo party hat, which he finds soft and comfortable.  This leads him to jump in and play games and he ends up interacting with, and surrounded by, all of his friends at the party.

I realize this is an oversimplified example, but I felt the major themes were still of value:

• When you go to a new place, expect things to be different
• Things that are different may seem scary when you have no experience with them
• If you get stuck in fear of differences, you may end up isolated and lonely and sad
• Jumping in and trying new things makes them less foreign, and more familiar
• You may find that you LIKE different things, or doing things you’re accustomed to in a different manner
• The more you jump in and embrace differences, the more likely you are to be surrounded by friends

* For more encouragement and ideas to successfully transition to a new culture, visit the the Culture Transition Success Store! *

By now, hopefully you’ve had a chance to see the film “Avatar” at least once.  (I’ve seen it twice – once in IMAX 3D, incredible!)

I realized that this was the ultimate relocation experience – both physically and mentally.  So, I thought it would be interesting to analyze the film from this perspective.

When we’re first entering the film, the main character is relocating to another planet.  Even though the typical relocation stays on earth, it can feel like you’ve gone to another planet when you first arrive.  There are changes in nature, architecture, clothing and food to name a few.  Nothing on the terrain may feel familiar, leaving you feeling a bit alien to the culture, and perhaps experiencing culture shock.

Even if you do jump in and try to get going, like the main character in Avatar when he syncs with his Avatar, you will inevitably maintain the behaviors you’re accustomed to.  Jake Sully, in Avatar, knows how to be a fighter, use a gun, and be flippant.  When he jumps into his Avatar body, he goes right into “attack and defend” mode, as he was trained to do.  You may try to dress the same way, speak the same way, drive on the same side of the road, etc and find that you need to make some adjustments to fit in on your new “planet”.

We watch as Jake Sully learns the ways of the people of Pandora.  At first, he is fascinated, but keeps his flippancy, even trying to speak to the “tribe” when speech is forbidden to anyone who is not born or inducted into that tribe.  When you relocate, you must watch for cultural traditions and respect them.  This can be found in formailty of address, eye contact, etc.  Make sure you take the time to observe, and do your best to learn the ways of the culture you’re living in.  Notice that in the movie, Jake had no real allies.  Neytiri is forced, against her will, to train Jake, and everyone else scoffs at him as an outsider who will never succeed.  Eventually, Jake convinces Neytiri of his heart and interest, and once he wins her over, he is able to eventually be accepted into the tribe.  In a similar way, you may originally have a hard time making friends, or feel like an outsider who is not accepted.  Remember, you only need one friend to make a start – so focus on making just one friend or ally, and then let the rest fall into place after you relocate. Remember, too, the more willing you are to learn and adapt to the local customs and traditions, the easier and quicker your transition will be.

A funny thing begins to happen by the end of the film – Jake actually becomes his Avatar.  Now, while you may not necessarily become a citizen or a native of another country or culture, if you make the effort to learn their ways, and stay there long enough, you will eventually have a strong identity with them.  For anyone in this situation, if you eventually repatriate, you will find you have a difficult time because of how closely you identify with the culture you’ve assimilated to, making you feel like an outsider in what, previously, you considered home.

Inevitably, this could lead you to question “who am I?”  Is Jake a man, his Avatar, or both?  Crossing cultures is a complicated process, but sometimes it helps you discover wonderful parts of yourself you never would have found if you hadn’t taken the challenge.

One of the ways to integrate to a new culture, or to reconnect with one after you’ve repatriated, is to become part of a community in your local city.  I recently got to know some French friends who invited me to join them as they cheered on Marseille this afternoon, playing soccer against Lille.

It’s been a while since I enjoyed this activity and it was both full of comradery, and quite funny!  At an American football game, the men tend to cheer, or yell at their designated team – barking suggestions at the screen as if the player they are talking to can hear them, and will listen.  At the French soccer game, not only did the men cheer, but what I  miss most – they sung various cheers to route their team to victory!  One man would lead the song, and the rest of the audience would repeat each verse, sending energy, and uniting our group hoping that Marseille would win.  I thought it kind of funny that downstairs at the bar, there was an NFL football game in progress, and wondered if they could hear our group singing to their sports players.

Being a part of a community like this, no matter where you live, is invaluable.  I’ve found that the French community in New York, however, tends to interweave and it’s fascinating.  Once you’re in, you end up running into the same people even at events that seem to have no logical connection. 
After the soccer match was over, I met a few people, one of whom was Irish, and we spoke about an interesting phenomenon.  Now, I do think it’s great to join a community like this, especially if you’ve repatriated and long for a connection back to the world you’ve left.  Though, it’s also nice to have a community like this if you’re new to a city to make you feel welcome.  HOWEVER, here’s the unfortunate downside – sometimes, people join a community of people from their country, and they never leave it.  My new Irish friend described a community of Irish people that live in Queens, and essentially never leave it.  So, they’re living in New York, but not really, as they’ve created a small Ireland that they don’t venture out of to experience life in other boroughs, or other communities. In my opinion, if you’re going to relocate, it’s just as meaningful to explore a new culture, as it is to stay connected with your former one.  Though I understand how easy it is to fall into a great group of like-minded expats from the same place as you, and that this group can make you very happy and that it’s a great group of friends to have, it’s sort of a shame to move across the globe (or the same country) and miss out on what the local culture and community has to offer.  So, I urge you to experience the best of all worlds!

I do advocate that you should try and find communities to be part of – as an American in another country, you can just as easily connect with an Irish, French, or German community, for example, as with other American expats.  It’s important when adapting to a new place to keep a little of the old, but also to welcome in the new!  And, again, if you’re repatriating, keeping a connection to the culture you just left by joining, say, a local group of French, Japanese, etc. is a great way to transition back to your old culture!

* For more ideas on how to adjust to a new culture, make friends, and more, check out The Relocation Success System! *