I recently met a wonderful Australian woman spending time in California. Though she was only spending about a week there, she was noticing that she had to repeat herself several times in order to be understood to most people.
One of the things I think few people prepare for, when moving to another country where people speak the “same language”, say US to England, or Scotland, or Australia, etc, is that it’s not the same language at all!
Accents are difficult enough to have you realize “you’re not in Kansas anymore” and words that are basic to your vocabulary may become intolerably difficult to speak and hear. However words themselves may be vastly different in spelling or meaning or pronunciation. Consider:
Aluminum Foil vs Aluminium
Fag = cigarette in England, and is quite insulting in America
Some English speaking countries also bring in rhyming expressions you’ll never figure out without a good dictionary, like “Apples and Pears” for stairs, or “Sceptic Tanks” for Yanks!
So, if you’re planning a move to a country where you think things will be easy because the language is the same, you’ll be setting yourself up for quite a shock. Instead, try spending some time before you move actually looking at dictionaries, or, better yet, speaking with people from that country to get used to the accent and words.
My mom and I recently had lunch at an Asian restaurant on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. When I say Asian, I mean they have Chinese, Japanese, and Thai food! (It’s delicious, too.) The staff seemed all Asian to me, but the diners were a blend of probably many different nationalities.
After we paid our bill, we put on our winter coats. Our table was not cleared off yet, and I was still using my chair as I slowly dressed for the cold weather. To exit, I had to turn away from our table, walk down an aisle and then over to the doorway. However, when I turned from my table (which still had remnants of our meal), I found myself standing face-to-face with an elderly Chinese woman. She wanetd my seat, and made some hand gesture AT me, which I inferred meant I was a horrible human being for not immediately getting out of her way. The woman behind her, whom I presume was her daughter, told her mother something, and her mother then pushed by me to get to the table behind me.
The experience made me wonder about expectations we all might or should have when crossing cultures. Here I was, eating in an Asian restaurant, in the Upper East Side of New York, in America. I am not an expert on Chinese culture, but I do believe hierarchy is much more prominent as is the concept of respect and obedience for your elders. I imagine, were I to dine in China, I might be expected to show honor and respect for elders in a restaurant in some specific fashion. But, here in New York, should the same be expected of me? Am I rude for not getting out of the way? Does she have the right to expect me to honor her cultural values outside her country? Now, I would say, had I been in Chinatown, which is very much like a mini China where you can easily not see a word of English for blocks on end, I might not have been so surprised. But, on the Upper East Side? Or, is New York such a mix of diverse cultures that we are all entitled to our expectations to the point that we will no doubt encounter cultural clashes every day?
I don’t know that there is a right or a wrong answer, but I found the concept very intriguing. What are your thoughts?
I recently had a fascinating discussion with several people from several different countries. It was about “the truth”. The essence of our conversation revolved around what the truth is because each of us will define a single moment, event, thing, etc a different way. We considered a napkin on our table – it could be described as folded, white, beige, dirty, crinkled, a tissue, and more. Each of us was describing the same napkin in a different way, but all ways could be considered truthful. So, we came to an agreement that the definition of the truth would be the convergence of where we all see the same thing – whether that might be the color of the napkin, in this case, and that it was folded.
That got me thinking about crossing cultures. Often times, one of the core challenges we face as an expat is how different our truth is from our new neighbors. This can happen with things like hand gestures or greetings – in the place you come from, a handshake is perhaps normal and expected, but in another place, it could be hugely insulting if their truth is that touching is reserved for intimate relationships, or that only the right hand can be used, and you offer your left. It can happen with conversation – where your language and culture are more casual, and your new culture demands more formality.
The place I get bent out of shape over “the truth” is where we DON’T accept one another’s truths. Consider religion, as one big example. It seems to me that each of us has our own personal truth – whether that be religious practice, how we eat, political affiliation, etc. Each of us is convinced that our way is the right way – our truth is THE truth. Is it just the human condition that “forces” us to move from accepting different truths, to changing them? What I mean is, again, in the example of religion – if one person is Jewish, another Catholic, and another Muslim – why is it that we cannot agree to follow a different belief system, and let one another do so, instead of forcing one another to convert? (I know, religion is a BIG can of worms…)
I realize that this discussion may be a bit “deep”, but the repercussions of how we each behave, based on our own truths, when transitioning cultures, or dealing with different cultures, seems hugely important. What are your thoughts?
DISCLAIMER:Let me begin this post by clarifying that this post is an attempt to question, and is not meant to offend anyone. If it does, I apologize in advance. I am using simply one or two personal incidents, but do not mean to imply these are the only incidents, or the only nationalities that behave this way, nor that everyone from any single culture behaves the same way. I am a huge fan of people from all cultures, and of foreign language, and even practicing new and old ones anywhere I am! So, this post is just an attempt to provide one viewpoint among many possible ones.
A recent event made me contemplate my experiences living and working in France where I encountered the term “The Ugly American”. The way I learned it, it referred to what was considered an arrogant expectation that wherever in the world an American traveled, everyone should speak English, and there was no need to attempt to learn a local language. I was so impacted by this image, and the desire to STOP perpetuating it, that it became an obsession of mine to learn foreign languages. Though I have good working knowledge of six languages today, if I travel anywhere outside my comfort zone, I make it a point to memorize the phrase “do you speak English” in the local language, and bring a dictionary, and try to at least begin conversations in the host country language.
So, on a recent summer afternoon, when in Bryant Park, in New York City, I was quite struck by the following incident. I was waiting on a line (queue!) for the ladies room. The line was fairly long, and the space rather small. The bathroom attendant came around the line, yelled something in Spanish, then looked right at me and said, “Entiende?” as if I was stupid for not doing whatever it was she had just yelled. Eventually, I, and the others in line with me, understood she was asking us to make more room for ladies exiting the bathroom. However, the woman in front of me, who was from Atlanta, was quite perplexed – we commented that this would be quite normal if we were in any Spanish-speaking country, but as we were in New York, it surprised us that someone who was employed, therefore living in New York, would not be addressing us in English. (Note, at Bryant Park, on any given day, the crowd is multinational, and probably no one understands the same language anyway!)
So, I wondered, have we reached a point where crossing cultures no longer means you are considered arrogant if you don’t learn and use the local language? I know New York is a bit unique, and that our population is becoming increasingly Spanish-speaking as compared to other places, so this may be a unique issue. I was equally surprised when I attended Jury Duty earlier this year. Only citizens are allowed to perform this duty. To become a citizen, you must either be born in the USA, or pass a citizenship test, after living here for a number of years. I had always presumed the citizenship test was administered in English. So, when people selected for the same jury as me were questioned, and their eyes glazed over in confusion and they repeated, “no entiendo ingles”, I was again confused. I can’t imagine going to another country and being granted citizenship without having at least a basic command of their language? After all, if the test were in their language, how would I otherwise pass it?
Again, this is post is not meant to insult, simply to question. I am struck by the fact that Americans have been considered highly arrogant for crossing cultures and not making the effort to speak the local language. So, having these experiences, I wondered if perhaps this stereotype had seen it’s final days, or whether Americans have perhaps perpetuated this image to such an extent that other cultures feel they should behave in the same fashion. Or, perhaps so many people are now crossing cultures that domestic languages have less significance nowadays?
What are your thoughts on the subject?
For more information on learning local language and adapting to new cultures, click here.
Some of you out there are no doubt considering a move to a new city or country for love, or might in future. It’s wonderful to meet and fall for someone in or from a different country, learning about a new culture, perhaps a new language, and it can even feel exotic. But, before you make the move, you may want to think about a few things so you avoid moving half way round the world and learning that you had no idea what you got yourself into. Here are a few tips to help you make the right choice.
Find out if you’re allowed to work in the country you’re moving to. If you are moving someplace where you are legally forbidden to obtain paid work, consider how you will feel if you are currently supporting yourself or helping provide – are you ok with becoming a dependent?
Find out your potential spouse’s view of your role – working, childcare, housemaker, etc. In some countries, the woman is expected to be more traditional – perhaps doing most of the cooking and cleaning, and raising children. Again, discuss this with your potential spouse and find out if this is an expectation, and, if so, one that you’re comfortable with, or one that can be negotiated.
Visit your potential home before moving there. Get a feel for whether you’re comfortable living there, how you feel there, the architecture, etc. This will also give you a chance to get somewhat familiar with the new landscape, and perhaps enable to you to feel a little more independent when you move for good.
Make sure to spend a chunk of time together in YOUR home city – see if you’re still in love when you play host and guide and your loved one relies on you completely. I can tell you from experience you may feel like you’re in love with a totally different person. Before you get whisked away, make sure you experience your loved one in each of your respective home countries. Usually you get accustomed to being the guide/leader (if you live in your home town), or the follower (depending on your loved one to take you around, make decisions about what to do, introduce you to people, etc.) when you meet and live in the same place for a while. When you return to the other person’s home, these roles will reverse, and it will feel very awkward at first – make sure you’re still in love. It can be surprising and disappointing to learn that the feelings you thought you had fade after experiencing this role reversal. If the feelings DON’T fade, then you know you have something strong!
