We tend to think of Culture Shock as something that only affects us when we move to a different country. The truth, however, is that culture shock can occur even with domestic moves. And, the experience can be more impacting because you didn’t expect it. Expats, in particular, often go through two sets of adjustments – one being a new country, the other being a new city.

One of the most obvious times that this type of double culture shock will occur is when moving from a small town to a big city, such as New York. I remember when I was in college, I had a friend from Peoria, Illinois. I still remember his fascination as I described my high school being five stories tall, and he said, “You mean, in New York, the buildings go UP?!” In his town, he was accustomed to buildings that sprawled out on one floor.

This is a perfect example at one of the first differences you may notice – building size, and height. Sometimes when I return from a vacation to a place like Arizona, even I feel momentarily claustrophobic in Manhattan. This is one of the possible impacts of moving to a big city – you may feel enclosed, boxed in, seeking out sky, and seeing only huge towers in every direction.

There is something about “the big city” that also impacts social behavior. In big cities, it is more likely that people will be in a rush. They may be late for work or an appointment, and their eyes are often cast downward, or straight ahead, focusing on getting where they need to go. People walk with purpose, as if there is not enough time. In a smaller town, people are more inclined to stroll leisurely. Time seems to actually move more slowly, and if you try to rush, everyone will probably have a nickname for you! People are also more likely to look one another in the eye, say hello, or at least smile, as they pass one another.

This brings me to another point – the experience of being known. In a small town, people look at you, and notice you. Even if you feel lonely, you’re likely to find that someone will ask how your day is going, even if they are a relative stranger. You may even know and spend time with your neighbors, or store owners. In a big city, it’s much more likely that you’ll be isolated – it’s a bizarre paradox, actually. There are so many more people to meet, but everyone is wrapped up in their own worlds, and don’t seem to have time, so they are less likely to get to know you, and you can easily go an entire day without exchanging any more words apart from “Excuse me” and “I’ll have a ham sandwich on whole wheat bread.”

Another potential downside of moving from small town to big city is how much trust you can have in people. I once dated a man from a small town in Ireland. I felt awful for him one day when we met for lunch and he told me that a man in the street approached him, told him he had an urgent situation and needed to call his family, but had no money. He asked my boyfriend to loan him a few dollars, which he promised to return. So, my boyfriend, being accustomed to honest, well-intentioned people, loaned the man $20. The man then ran off, never to return.

Transportation can be overwhelming in a big city. If you’re used to walking, or perhaps the “Main Street bus”, you’ll find the metro or subway like navigating veins and arteries in the bloodstream – impossible to follow or make sense of until you get used to how they function, which lines work best, and best points to transfer lines. And, on the streets, you’ll shift from slow traffic to what feels like a race car track you’re trying to walk across during the Indie 500!

Now that we’ve looked at some shifts to expect, let me leave you with a few tips on how you can make the transition a bit easier, and find some familiarity among the “iron jungle”:

1. If you feel overwhelmed by the height and proximity of city buildings, find the nearest park and spend time there as often as possible. Being in nature is a great way to literally expand the horizon and take a break. If the park doesn’t do it for you, then take a train or a bus to a nearby town on the weekends. This will both help you escape the big buildings, and potentially even help you find some “small town” familiarity.
2. Join a local club, organization, sports team, etc. It’s a lot easier to meet people, and more likely you’ll become friends, if you find a way to do something that happens repeatedly on a weekly or even monthly, basis. The more you see the same people, the more inclined they will be to get to know you.
3. It’s unfortunate, but in a big city, you do need to watch your wallet. I suggest you offer your money to charity rather than hand-outs to every person that asks you. (And, in a big city, there are a lot of people that will ask you for money, so you’ll quickly go broke if you oblige!)
4. Keep your eyes open for a local store or café that reminds you of home. Even in a large city, there are places that, once inside, may have items that remind you of something special from the place you’ve moved from. They may even have a slower pace of life – perhaps just a few people, and a sense of timelessness. If you happen across one, write down the name and address and visit once in a while.
5. Give yourself permission to adjust. It will take some time. If you can keep a journal, it will be a great place for you to review every few weeks to observe how overwhelm or fear might be shifting to confidence and happiness. Make sure to reward yourself when it does happen!
6. Hire an Expat Coach – they have gone through the same changes as you, and can be an excellent resource to help you with the transition process.

* Need to find an Expat Coach?  Check out The Expat Coach Directory for your single resource to a more fulfilling life in a new culture! *

I just finished reading a fantastic book, “Peaks and Valleys”, by Spencer Johnson, and had to write a post about it because it’s so inspiring for all of lifes ups and downs.

For anyone out there that might have relocated and feel isolated, depressed, or be thinking, “What have I done?”, I hope the insights from this book might inspire you out of a bad time and into a good one.  Applying the insights to relocating, here’s what I came up with:

Make Reality Your Friend
If you’re feeling awful, can’t meet new friends, don’t like your job, don’t fit in, etc. ask yourself, “What’s the truth here?”  The premise of the book is that you should ask this question both when you’re in a “Valley” (bad time) or on a “Peak” (good time).  So, in essence, ask yourself what’s really going on.  Are you trying to duplicate friends and setting your expectations such that you’ll never meet them?  Do you not fit in, or have you not tried to adapt to what’s around you?  Stay in touch with the underlying reality.

Find and Use the Good Hidden in a Bad Time
If things have really got you down, nothing seems to be going your way, you’re aggravated, frustrated, and wondering why you bothered to relocate, do the opposite of everything you’re doing now.  If you’re complaining, start praising everything around you.  If you isolate yourself, start going outside.  Find a way to be of service in your community, and be a more loving person.  These are the actions that move you out of a bad time, and into a good one.

Appreciate and Manage Your Good Times Wisely
When life is good, and everything is going your way, figure out what actions and behaviors got you there, and make it a mission to do more of those things.

Follow Your Sensible Vision
Especially if you’re in a low point, try envisioning what you’d like your life to be.  Perhaps surrounded by great friends, a well-known person in the community, etc.  Get very clear on the details of your desired vision, and think of it often.  Then you can enjoy doing what you need to take you there.

The book recounts these themes in a fable-type story, it’s a quick read, and I highly recommend it!  It’s invaluable whether you’ve been laid off, have problems in your relationship, difficulty making friends – really just about any of life’s situations. 

Check out http://www.peaksandvalleysthebook.com/ for more information.