One of the natural things to do when you’ve relocated and are missing everyone back home, is to take a trip back there.  You get all excited about being able to eat at your favorite restaurants, know directions without having to ask anyone or look at a map, and of course, about seeing your best friends and your family.  Once you return home, however, the experience can be very different than you expect.  Whether you meant to or not, you have no doubt changed in subtle ways as a result of relocating to a new culture.  You may suddenly find that behaviors you once found normal or didn’t think about now bother you.  Perhaps you notice that everyone dresses funny, and you realize you used to dress that way, too, and so it hits you as very odd to be criticizing habits and trends that you thought were yours.

The most striking downside of the experience can be that your friends and family tell you to “STOP….”  For example, I recently overheard a conversation about a woman from Minnesota who has been living in New York for four years.  She mentioned a trip home and was struck by the fact that everything was so slow there – from the traffic to the service – that she could not WAIT to get back to New York.  In addition, she picked up some not so nice lingo from the big city, and her family repeatedly told her, “That’s not how we talk in this family.”  She found herself at odds wtih them in her needs and her speech.  This is more likely to happen if you’ve moved from a small town to a big city, or vice versa.  (You can refer to one of my earlier posts about what to expect when moving from a small town to a big city for some additional tips).

Sometimes, this causes disappointment – after all, you thought your trip home was supposed to make you feel better, not worse.  Now what?  Where can you go to feel better?  The answer may be quite simple – you actually have come to feel at home in a new place.  When this thought hits, it can be very jarring.  I remember a trip home when I was living in France.  On the flight BACK to France, I cought myself mid-thought, saying to myself, “When I get home…” and it struck me that I was referring to Paris, not New York.

The experience of what I will call “the concept of home” is a natural part of the adjustment process, and also a shift in your own personal identity, and possibly even your values.  It’s something to be aware of, because it may take you by surprise.  To this day, I actually feel more European than American because I have spent so much time in Europe and adapted many of the customs, traditions, and language I have experienced when overseas.

One potential positive impact of that trip home, though, may be that you return to the place you moved feeling more at home, and realizing that you do know your way around better than you thought, and that you feel like more possibilities open up for your life in that place.

* To learn how Expat Coaching can help you further adapt to a new culture, click here! *