Crossing Cultures For Love – Making Sure It’s the Right Thing to Do
Some of you out there are no doubt considering a move to a new city or country for love, or might in future. It’s wonderful to meet and fall for someone in or from a different country, learning about a new culture, perhaps a new language, and it can even feel exotic. But, before you make the move, you may want to think about a few things so you avoid moving half way round the world and learning that you had no idea what you got yourself into. Here are a few tips to help you make the right choice.
- Find out if you’re allowed to work in the country you’re moving to. If you are moving someplace where you are legally forbidden to obtain paid work, consider how you will feel if you are currently supporting yourself or helping provide – are you ok with becoming a dependent?
- Find out your potential spouse’s view of your role – working, childcare, housemaker, etc. In some countries, the woman is expected to be more traditional – perhaps doing most of the cooking and cleaning, and raising children. Again, discuss this with your potential spouse and find out if this is an expectation, and, if so, one that you’re comfortable with, or one that can be negotiated.
- Visit your potential home before moving there. Get a feel for whether you’re comfortable living there, how you feel there, the architecture, etc. This will also give you a chance to get somewhat familiar with the new landscape, and perhaps enable to you to feel a little more independent when you move for good.
- Make sure to spend a chunk of time together in YOUR home city – see if you’re still in love when you play host and guide and your loved one relies on you completely. I can tell you from experience you may feel like you’re in love with a totally different person. Before you get whisked away, make sure you experience your loved one in each of your respective home countries. Usually you get accustomed to being the guide/leader (if you live in your home town), or the follower (depending on your loved one to take you around, make decisions about what to do, introduce you to people, etc.) when you meet and live in the same place for a while. When you return to the other person’s home, these roles will reverse, and it will feel very awkward at first – make sure you’re still in love. It can be surprising and disappointing to learn that the feelings you thought you had fade after experiencing this role reversal. If the feelings DON’T fade, then you know you have something strong!
* To get more tips and strategies to prepare for your new life together, Consider working with an Expat Coach! *! *
20Mar
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