From talking to friends new and old, it seems that I may have a “boldness factor” to me, that not everyone does. When it comes to meeting people and making new friends, I am often unphazed by simply walking up to random people and starting a conversation. So, I share this story with you in the hopes that you can be inspired to say, “If Heather can do THAT, I can have the courage to meet one new person myself!”

A few weeks ago, I was in California.  I happen to have a friend who works for Apple.   He was kind enough to give me a tour of their campus.  So, we get me a name badge, then walk into the main lobby.  There’s this huge TV screen with apps all over it, and I am mesmerized.  My friend grabs  my arm, and pulls me towards it.  In a low tone, he says, “Don’t look, but that’s Steve over there.”  [Yes, Steve Jobs!]  My friend knows how I can be, so of course, I turn around and look.  There, on a couch, by himself, is Steve Jobs, working on his iPhone.  No one else in the lobby is talking to him, so I ask my friend why. 

He replies, “They’re too intimidated.”

So I ask, “Can I go talk to him?” [My logic here is that I doubt I will be in the same room as Steve Jobs too many times in my life.  And, to be in a room with Steve, where he is not in the midst of talking to someone else, is even less likely, so seize the moment!]

He answers, “Sure, just let me walk away from you so I can pretend not to know you.”

So, I walk over to Steve, I say, “Excuse me for interrupting you, but I think you make great products, and I thank you for your innovation.”

He looks up at me, smiles, says “Thanks!” and then returns to his iPhone.  Though we didn’t converse any further, I felt elated for having spoken to him.  AND, the next day, their stock went up 12 points!

So, the next time you feel a little shy about walking up to a stranger at a networking or social event, may you say, “I know someone who saw Steve Jobs as a stranger in a room and walked up to him.  So, I can certainly walk up to that person over there!”

For more ideas on how to meet new people, click here!

One of the important things you’ll do after relocating is figure out how to stay in touch with friends and family back home.   In this world of multiple ways to keep in touch, it seems like Facebook is having an impact on friendships – both for those who relocate, and those that don’t.

I’ve spent some time in the “pre-Facebook” world, and I find that I have developed certain sensibilities to how information is conveyed.  In my opinion, Facebook, Twitter, etc have become an additional layer of communication.  A way to easily tell everyone you know about something in your life.  Because it’s easy, and because the same message goes to everyone, it takes out a feeling of specialty, and hey, good friends are special! 

Here’s what I mean – if someone I know announces they are pregnant, I feel treated as a close friend if I get a phone call or an email to let me know.  If, however, I learn about it on Facebook, I feel it’s a less intimate conversation, and feels less personal.  Now, I can understand as a mother, or busy career-person, Facebook makes it very easy to make sure that everyone you know is informed about your life, and that you’re thinking of them.  But, for myself, I feel that milestones in ones life should be communicated intimately to your close circle of friends.  I know there are others out there who have different opinions, such as -

“I need convenience, I have a busy life.”

“I need more connection, a group message on Facebook doesn’t tell me much, and I’m not putting my personal life there.”

A friend of mine commented recently that Facebook has actually destroyed one of her friendships.  Let’s call her Betty. As one example, a neighbor of Betty’s posted a comment on Betty’s Facebook page.  Betty didn’t respond and got an angry phone call from her friend a day later, questioning why one day had elapsed and there was no response.  For Betty, she figured they were neighbors and if her friend needed a quick response, she could call, or come over and ring her doorbell.  So, just like there are rules of how to communicate on email, it seems we need to understand a new etiquette for Facebook as well, especially those of us that used to live in a world where phone and internet were the only methods to communicate.

Those of you who have relocated, surely you have your own opinions of using social media versus email versus the phone to stay in touch – I’d like to know your points of view on this.

What are your thoughts?  Please add your comments or take the poll below!

Are you having a tough time meeting new people and making new friends after moving?  This eBook will give you strategies, concepts, tips, techniques, and action steps to help you in this important step to creating a satisfying life after relocating!

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Here’s how – simply Tweet your followers to let them know about this fantastic resource – whoever sends out the most tweets by July 7th WINS a FREE copy of The Social Success Method! Make sure to include @expatconnector in your Tweets so I can count up who had the most Tweets.  Send as many tweets as you can to make sure you are the big winner!

Here is a sample message you’re welcome to use:

RT @expatconnector Excellent resource on how to make new friends after moving http://sn.im/yteyu   #expat #relocating #expatriate

Congrats to @wifeinasuitcase who won the contest!

Welcome back to Culture Transition Tip Tuesday!

Here is Tip #5

I hear from a lot of people that it’s tough making new friends, especially after moving.  So, I’ve decided to launch a group coaching plan to help you do just that – make new friends after moving!  It builds on the foundation steps of my Socialnaire program, and offers 1 live group coaching session with me each month for 3 months.

The Socialnaire Coaching Club is limited to 10 people.  For more details, click here!

This is a great way for you to combine lessons, with live sessions to ask questions and enhance all the learning you will receive each week.

Also – if you’re going to be near Spring Lake, NJ, on June 26th, and want to get some great tools to enhance any area of your life you’re not satisfied with and/or, learn about feng shui, click here for details on 2 great workshops!

One of the ways to integrate to a new culture, or to reconnect with one after you’ve repatriated, is to become part of a community in your local city.  I recently got to know some French friends who invited me to join them as they cheered on Marseille this afternoon, playing soccer against Lille.

It’s been a while since I enjoyed this activity and it was both full of comradery, and quite funny!  At an American football game, the men tend to cheer, or yell at their designated team – barking suggestions at the screen as if the player they are talking to can hear them, and will listen.  At the French soccer game, not only did the men cheer, but what I  miss most – they sung various cheers to route their team to victory!  One man would lead the song, and the rest of the audience would repeat each verse, sending energy, and uniting our group hoping that Marseille would win.  I thought it kind of funny that downstairs at the bar, there was an NFL football game in progress, and wondered if they could hear our group singing to their sports players.

Being a part of a community like this, no matter where you live, is invaluable.  I’ve found that the French community in New York, however, tends to interweave and it’s fascinating.  Once you’re in, you end up running into the same people even at events that seem to have no logical connection. 
After the soccer match was over, I met a few people, one of whom was Irish, and we spoke about an interesting phenomenon.  Now, I do think it’s great to join a community like this, especially if you’ve repatriated and long for a connection back to the world you’ve left.  Though, it’s also nice to have a community like this if you’re new to a city to make you feel welcome.  HOWEVER, here’s the unfortunate downside – sometimes, people join a community of people from their country, and they never leave it.  My new Irish friend described a community of Irish people that live in Queens, and essentially never leave it.  So, they’re living in New York, but not really, as they’ve created a small Ireland that they don’t venture out of to experience life in other boroughs, or other communities. In my opinion, if you’re going to relocate, it’s just as meaningful to explore a new culture, as it is to stay connected with your former one.  Though I understand how easy it is to fall into a great group of like-minded expats from the same place as you, and that this group can make you very happy and that it’s a great group of friends to have, it’s sort of a shame to move across the globe (or the same country) and miss out on what the local culture and community has to offer.  So, I urge you to experience the best of all worlds!

I do advocate that you should try and find communities to be part of – as an American in another country, you can just as easily connect with an Irish, French, or German community, for example, as with other American expats.  It’s important when adapting to a new place to keep a little of the old, but also to welcome in the new!  And, again, if you’re repatriating, keeping a connection to the culture you just left by joining, say, a local group of French, Japanese, etc. is a great way to transition back to your old culture!

* For more ideas on how to adjust to a new culture, make friends, and more, check out The Relocation Success System! *

The holidays seem to fill the air with uplifted spirits (ok unless you’re trying to do last-minute gift shopping) and tons of people. 

In many places in the world you’ll find traditional holiday decorations and markets filled with happy passerby.

The other thing I’m noticing is how friendly many people seem to be. Last night I grabbed a glass of bubbly with a friend near Rockefeller Center and we chatted with our waiter, Jake, as we tried to figure out a place to eat. He recommended someplace which I have been before and liked and told us his roommate work there and to mention his name for a good table!

So it’s always worth being friendly and open to conversations with new people.

1. You never know how you can help each other out and who else you may meet through someone. 
2. I find that waiters/waitresses, if they are friendly, are easy to have small-talk with, and great resources if you’re looking for something to do in the neighborhood. 
3. If you hit it off, then, as happened to me, they might be able to “hook you up” with good seats, or good service through friends of theirs.

** want more ideas to meet new people and make friends? Check out The Social Success Method **

As you know, my mission is to help people relocating to adjust to and overcome the social, personal, and professional issues that arise after moving to a new city.  One of the biggest difficulties with moving is creating a new social network.  I’m always on the lookout for excellent resources and ideas, and recently found a great organization in Paris called Paris4U.net  I interviewed one of the founders to help you get more information about what it is, and the benefits of joining. 

Q. What is the mission of Paris4U.net?

A. The mission of Paris4U.net is to connect people from different types of backgrounds and cultures living and working in Paris.  We’re here to provide a forum for expatriates living in and around Paris to connect with each other and enhance their experience living abroad. 

Q. What inspired you to start your business, and how long have you been working on it?

A. I myself lived in several countries on various continents. I know for a fact how difficult it is integrate and build a social, personal, professional, and family life, when you arrive in a new country, especially one where the national language is not your mothertongue. It takes time to find out what there is to discover, what to do, whom to meet, where to go, how to find your marks, how to organize your leisures, etc… I hope the site will be a platform allowing all nationalities and cultures to gather, discuss, talk, meet, enjoy Paris together. The site itself is brand-new, it just recently started.

Q. What are some of the benefits of signing up to become a member at Paris4U.net?

A. Paris4u provides a venue for those living in and around Paris to communicate and interact with one another in English.  This includes the ability to put up classifieds, create events, and even the ability to communicate with each other via the forums.

Q. What expansion plans do you have – I think you may be offering your services in different cities soon?

Ultimately, we plan on creating a template using Paris4u as an example to expand to other cities globally.  Our next goal will be NYC.

Q.  Is there anything else people should know about you and Paris4U.net?

A. Paris4u is will be constantly evolving over the next few weeks and we want to provide our members with a more personal experience.  This means we are always looking for more input, suggestions, ideas on what the members would want/need or like to see.  We also plan on taking advantage of various social networks such as facebook and youtube to tap into a wider audience.

** Do you know of or have an excellent resource for networking where you live?  Post a comment here and tell me about it! **

** Want to relocate with ease, and avoid or overcome the social, personal, and professional challenges that you’ll confront? Check out The Relocation Success System!

I’ve mentioned before that I love cows, though another truth is, I love animals.  If you’re looking for a fun activity after relocating, a local zoo or animal farm is another great way to spend part of a day (presuming, of course, tht you like animals.)

However, in addition to passing the time, animals can also teach you some valuable lessons.  This past weekend, I had the pleasure of visiting several animals, and the experience reminded me a bit of transitioning to another culture! (Bear with me….oops, pun intended…)

I started the day with a visit to an Alpaca farm in Upstate New York.  Sadly, for me, Alpacas are not the friendliest of animals

and didn’t seem interested in being pet.  However, as I stood among them, I realized that I was in their “world”;  I had entered their space.  This fact really hit me when I whipped out my iPhone to take the pictures you see here, and when I turned to my left, I found myself staring at a very long, black neck and a huge pair of dark eyes.  (Sadly, I was too shocked and frozen to take a photo!)  With me being, umm, vertically-challenged, the Alpaca towered over me and I wasn’t sure whether it would eat me or spit on me, but it seemed very interested in my iPhone.  Soon thereafter, another Alpaca (who apparently has arthritis, so I felt like we had an instant bond as I do, too!) approached me, and I just remained as calm as possible, while also terrified, and stifling a laugh because so many feelings ran through me at once.

I had no idea what to do.  I was a bit terrified, and figured any sudden moves would be a bad idea, and yet I also wanted to try and pet them, but figured that would be equally poor on the idea list, in case they got upset with me.  So, I let them sniff me, and then they moved on.

It’s funny, but when you move to a new place, some of your initial experiences can feel like this.  It’s a bit terrifying to be surrounded by unfamiliar people, unfamiliar buildings, and unfamiliar experiences.  You may get stuck as you try and figure out what to do to adapt to your new surroundings.  And, sometimes it’s best to give people around you the chance to welcome you, and show you proper etiquette than to just “barge in”, and try to “force” your ways on them by, shall we say, proverbally petting them.

After the Alpaca farm, I visited my cousin’s horse farm.  It was like changing countries in fifteen minutes.  The horses, after a brief “check me out and make sure I’m not a threat” period were exceptionally affectionate.  They loved having their cheeks massaged, and they also seemed hopeful that my hands might also be edible, and there was a lot of sniffing.

But, again, I had that same experience where I felt a bit like a stranger in a strange land.  Now, the friendliness of the horses made me feel very welcome, and at ease.  I know that whenever I’ve lived or traveled abroad, the people that were the most

welcoming, friendly, and interested in me, are the ones with whom I wanted to spend the most time, and with whom I had a sense of feeling at home. 

Finally, I got to play with my cousin’s dog who was a very loving new friend. For me, friendly dogs just make all of life’s little troubles melt away.  So, if you’re feeling down, and not too allergic, you might seriously want to consider spending some time with a friendly dog or cat.  I’m not sure why, but they seem to have the power to make whatever is bugging you seem insignificant.

Here are the takeaways from all my experiences this past weekend:

1. Visiting animals is a great activity, if you’re in need of ideas.
2. If you do go to a park, zoo, or elsewhere, notice how it feels to be in “their world” – try to pay attention to how you act, and react to them. 
3. You’ll learn your natural tendencies to unfamiliar situations, and perhaps figure out a couple of things you can change to attract more people to you. 
4. Try petting a dog or a cat if you are having a “down day”.  If you don’t own one, see if there might be a local shelter where you can volunteer your time to pet animals, or, perhaps you have a friend with a pet who will let you come over.
5. If you got a chuckle out of this post, you might also enjoy my earlier post about What Cows Can Teach Us About Relocating

* Want more ideas on adjusting to a new place, learning a new language, and fitting in? Check out The Personal Success Method! *

If you’re trying to meet new people, and make new friends, one of the best ways to do it is by joining a local organization.  Ideally, it should be getting people together around a purpose or topic of interest to you.  Let me give you an example of how this just worked for me.

I am a member of the International Coach Federation – it brings together other people interested in the field of coaching, or who are coaches like myself.  At a recent meeting, we had to pair up with several different people in the room, and one of my partners during the meeting was a woman named Joann.  I had never met her before, but the in-class work was something both fun, and difficult, so allowed me to share laughter with several people.

Friday afternoon, I went to a local coffee shop for the afternoon.  When I got to the cash register, I saw Joann!  We re-introduced ourselves, had a great discussion, and decided to get together to help one another progress our current life and business goals. 

So, to re-cap, here’s what to focus on to make new friends by joining an organization:

1. Join an organization for something that really interests you.  That could be a charity, a profession, anything, as long as you are genuinely interested in what it’s about.
2. Attend local meetings of that organization as frequently as possible.
3. Introduce yourself to other people at the meetings.  If they don’t provide mixers, or audience interaction, then just walk up to people and get to know them.
4. Bring business cards with you, at all times, even if they just have your name, email and phone number – make sure you have something to leave people so they can get in touch with you
5. If you see anyone from that organization while you’re out in a restaurant, coffee shop, etc., go say hello to them, and re-introduce yourself.
6. If you feel a connection, seize the day – don’t wait till later, or suggest you call or email, take out your calendar and make plans on the spot!

From there, if  a genuine connection develops, get together, explore new places, and you’ll have a buddy to share experiences with and talk about good times and bad.