From talking to friends new and old, it seems that I may have a “boldness factor” to me, that not everyone does. When it comes to meeting people and making new friends, I am often unphazed by simply walking up to random people and starting a conversation. So, I share this story with you in the hopes that you can be inspired to say, “If Heather can do THAT, I can have the courage to meet one new person myself!”

A few weeks ago, I was in California.  I happen to have a friend who works for Apple.   He was kind enough to give me a tour of their campus.  So, we get me a name badge, then walk into the main lobby.  There’s this huge TV screen with apps all over it, and I am mesmerized.  My friend grabs  my arm, and pulls me towards it.  In a low tone, he says, “Don’t look, but that’s Steve over there.”  [Yes, Steve Jobs!]  My friend knows how I can be, so of course, I turn around and look.  There, on a couch, by himself, is Steve Jobs, working on his iPhone.  No one else in the lobby is talking to him, so I ask my friend why. 

He replies, “They’re too intimidated.”

So I ask, “Can I go talk to him?” [My logic here is that I doubt I will be in the same room as Steve Jobs too many times in my life.  And, to be in a room with Steve, where he is not in the midst of talking to someone else, is even less likely, so seize the moment!]

He answers, “Sure, just let me walk away from you so I can pretend not to know you.”

So, I walk over to Steve, I say, “Excuse me for interrupting you, but I think you make great products, and I thank you for your innovation.”

He looks up at me, smiles, says “Thanks!” and then returns to his iPhone.  Though we didn’t converse any further, I felt elated for having spoken to him.  AND, the next day, their stock went up 12 points!

So, the next time you feel a little shy about walking up to a stranger at a networking or social event, may you say, “I know someone who saw Steve Jobs as a stranger in a room and walked up to him.  So, I can certainly walk up to that person over there!”

For more ideas on how to meet new people, click here!

One of the important things you’ll do after relocating is figure out how to stay in touch with friends and family back home.   In this world of multiple ways to keep in touch, it seems like Facebook is having an impact on friendships – both for those who relocate, and those that don’t.

I’ve spent some time in the “pre-Facebook” world, and I find that I have developed certain sensibilities to how information is conveyed.  In my opinion, Facebook, Twitter, etc have become an additional layer of communication.  A way to easily tell everyone you know about something in your life.  Because it’s easy, and because the same message goes to everyone, it takes out a feeling of specialty, and hey, good friends are special! 

Here’s what I mean – if someone I know announces they are pregnant, I feel treated as a close friend if I get a phone call or an email to let me know.  If, however, I learn about it on Facebook, I feel it’s a less intimate conversation, and feels less personal.  Now, I can understand as a mother, or busy career-person, Facebook makes it very easy to make sure that everyone you know is informed about your life, and that you’re thinking of them.  But, for myself, I feel that milestones in ones life should be communicated intimately to your close circle of friends.  I know there are others out there who have different opinions, such as -

“I need convenience, I have a busy life.”

“I need more connection, a group message on Facebook doesn’t tell me much, and I’m not putting my personal life there.”

A friend of mine commented recently that Facebook has actually destroyed one of her friendships.  Let’s call her Betty. As one example, a neighbor of Betty’s posted a comment on Betty’s Facebook page.  Betty didn’t respond and got an angry phone call from her friend a day later, questioning why one day had elapsed and there was no response.  For Betty, she figured they were neighbors and if her friend needed a quick response, she could call, or come over and ring her doorbell.  So, just like there are rules of how to communicate on email, it seems we need to understand a new etiquette for Facebook as well, especially those of us that used to live in a world where phone and internet were the only methods to communicate.

Those of you who have relocated, surely you have your own opinions of using social media versus email versus the phone to stay in touch – I’d like to know your points of view on this.

What are your thoughts?  Please add your comments or take the poll below!

Sometimes, when you move to another culture, you will experience a loss of connection to the culture, and the people around you.  This can leave you feeling isolated and lonely, especially if you haven’t been able to make new friends.

One way you can help reconnect to others is by doing something special for someone you don’t know.  The other day, I went to Coney Island, outside Manhattan.  While there, I won several stuffed animals by winning a bunch of the games there.  On the subway ride back home, a small girl of about 3, and her parents, sat behind me.  I turned around and asked her parents if she might like to have some stuffed animals.  They graciously accepted, and I handed over 2 of them.  This little girl hugged and hugged them, it really touched my heart.  It was a bit like Christmas morning, she absolutely loved the animals, and it made me feel like I had given my prized puppy to a really good home.

A couple nearby noticed what I had done, and complimented me on my actions.  I was overwhelmed with sentiment, and almost cried.  Something so simple had brought about such touching emotion, and connection, with people I didn’t know.

So, I pass this along to you – if you’re feeling lonely and isolated wherever you have relocated, try doing a random act of kindness – actually look out for anyone you might help.  You could hold a door open for someone, help someone carry a heavy bag to their car, give something away….however you envision serving others.

* For more ideas on making new friends, click here! *

I was recently watching a cute flick (well, I guess it could be considered cheesy, but hey, I thought it was cute!)  In it, the main character, Daphne, an American from New York, goes off to London as a teenager to find and meet her father.

While in England, she encounters massive cultural shifts.  Her father is a Lord, and is running for political office. He is surrounded by demanding political advisors, and a social-climbing fiancee.  Daphne, who is accustomed to casual dress, a tiny apartment, and very low-key lifestyle, enters into a world of wealth, a huge house, and frequent parties with royalty for which she must wear elegant gowns.  She hugs her grandmother, who retorts, “No hugs, I’m British.  We only show affection for dogs and horses.”  Her father’s fiancee and her daughter are bent on getting Daphne to leave as soon as possible – sabotaging her efforts as often as possible.

The movie, despite whether or not you like it, demonstrates some important things to focus on when transitioning cultures and trying to make new friends :

1. Be aware of cultural habits when it comes to greeting and showing appreciation.  In the film, Amanda Bynes is accustomed to hugging everyone, but the people she encounters find this too personal. You may have to alter your normal style to fit in, at least to start.
2. Notice how people dress.  The obvious changes are in formal parties – of course you’d expect to dress more formally than day-to-day wear.  But, take a look at day-to-day dress as well.  The very clothes you wear can serve to keep you isolated, or bring you closer to those around you.
3. Focus on the people that take a liking to you.  If you find yourself feeling that the people you’d most like to be friends with aren’t welcoming you, then focus your efforts and attention on the people that DO want to be friends.  It could be a local shopkeeper, or someone  you least expect.  Shift your attention towards them!

* For more help on making new friends after moving, click here! *

Are you having a tough time meeting new people and making new friends after moving?  This eBook will give you strategies, concepts, tips, techniques, and action steps to help you in this important step to creating a satisfying life after relocating!

And, it can be yours, FREE!

Here’s how – simply Tweet your followers to let them know about this fantastic resource – whoever sends out the most tweets by July 7th WINS a FREE copy of The Social Success Method! Make sure to include @expatconnector in your Tweets so I can count up who had the most Tweets.  Send as many tweets as you can to make sure you are the big winner!

Here is a sample message you’re welcome to use:

RT @expatconnector Excellent resource on how to make new friends after moving http://sn.im/yteyu   #expat #relocating #expatriate

Congrats to @wifeinasuitcase who won the contest!

I may have a case of “Summer Fever”, but I’ve decided to make a very special, one-time offer.

I recently created a membership program to help anyone moving to New York adapt to the unique way of living we have.  I believe very strongly in the value of this program, and I’m hoping that if you see it for yourself, you will be convinced of it’s value and let your friends know about it.

So, I am making a special offer that will not be repeated – the first 25 people to sign up will get my HOW TO LIVE IN NEW YORK program FREE!  That’s a $100 value, YOURS FREE.

(Note – when you check out, you will be directed to a page that talks about a monthly fee – you can IGNORE the fee part as you’ll see that you do not need to enter any credit card information.)

If you like the program, please tell your friends about it.  If you feel that it needs enhancement, I also welcome your feedback!

Simply use coupon code NY2010 when you visit www.howtoliveinnewyork.com/charter_membership – once the 25 free copies are gone, that’s it – they will then be sold at full price, so get yours quick!

Again – if you like it, please spread the word!  After the 25 free memberships are gone, regular priced ones will be available via www.howtoliveinnewyork.com

Welcome back to Culture Transition Tip Tuesday!

Here is Tip #5

I hear from a lot of people that it’s tough making new friends, especially after moving.  So, I’ve decided to launch a group coaching plan to help you do just that – make new friends after moving!  It builds on the foundation steps of my Socialnaire program, and offers 1 live group coaching session with me each month for 3 months.

The Socialnaire Coaching Club is limited to 10 people.  For more details, click here!

This is a great way for you to combine lessons, with live sessions to ask questions and enhance all the learning you will receive each week.

Also – if you’re going to be near Spring Lake, NJ, on June 26th, and want to get some great tools to enhance any area of your life you’re not satisfied with and/or, learn about feng shui, click here for details on 2 great workshops!

Welcome back to another “Culture Transition Tip Tuesday”!

Here is Tip #3

You don’t have to move overseas to have a cross-cultural relationship. I was reminded of this when I recently ran into an old friend, Brian, I haven’t seen for a long time. He’s American and has been dating a Korean woman for a few weeks. Ironically, when I ran into Brian, I was having dinner with a Japanese friend, Akiko, and we were very interested by the discussion that ensued.

Brian felt that the Korean woman didn’t like him because she was not very affectionate towards him. He mentioned small gestures he tried to convey and said that she wasn’t returning them, and therefore presumed that she was not interested in him the same way he was in her.

I had the pleasure of visiting Japan with Akiko, and remember her telling me that one of the reasons she and her German husband worked so well together was that both their cultures admonish public displays of affection. Remembering this, I suggested to Brian that perhaps the issue was simply that his Korean friend was culturally sensitive to being affectionate in public. Akiko reinforced this, and asked Brian whether his friend was born in Korea, or born in America. He told us she was born in Korea. Akiko felt this was all the more reason that the Korean woman would be less likely to be affectionate in public.

Now, of course, you may shift some of your cultural sensitivities after living someplace for many years, but if you are dating someone from another country, it’s worth bearing in mind that little signals and behaviors sometimes have nothing to do with you – sometimes that is just the person’s culture coming forward, and the two of you simply have to address it, respect it, and find a way to work together to understand how you each show affection.

* To learn more about making friends and dating in a new culture, click here! *

* To learn about dating in New York City, click here! *