One of the ways to integrate to a new culture, or to reconnect with one after you’ve repatriated, is to become part of a community in your local city.  I recently got to know some French friends who invited me to join them as they cheered on Marseille this afternoon, playing soccer against Lille.

It’s been a while since I enjoyed this activity and it was both full of comradery, and quite funny!  At an American football game, the men tend to cheer, or yell at their designated team – barking suggestions at the screen as if the player they are talking to can hear them, and will listen.  At the French soccer game, not only did the men cheer, but what I  miss most – they sung various cheers to route their team to victory!  One man would lead the song, and the rest of the audience would repeat each verse, sending energy, and uniting our group hoping that Marseille would win.  I thought it kind of funny that downstairs at the bar, there was an NFL football game in progress, and wondered if they could hear our group singing to their sports players.

Being a part of a community like this, no matter where you live, is invaluable.  I’ve found that the French community in New York, however, tends to interweave and it’s fascinating.  Once you’re in, you end up running into the same people even at events that seem to have no logical connection. 
After the soccer match was over, I met a few people, one of whom was Irish, and we spoke about an interesting phenomenon.  Now, I do think it’s great to join a community like this, especially if you’ve repatriated and long for a connection back to the world you’ve left.  Though, it’s also nice to have a community like this if you’re new to a city to make you feel welcome.  HOWEVER, here’s the unfortunate downside – sometimes, people join a community of people from their country, and they never leave it.  My new Irish friend described a community of Irish people that live in Queens, and essentially never leave it.  So, they’re living in New York, but not really, as they’ve created a small Ireland that they don’t venture out of to experience life in other boroughs, or other communities. In my opinion, if you’re going to relocate, it’s just as meaningful to explore a new culture, as it is to stay connected with your former one.  Though I understand how easy it is to fall into a great group of like-minded expats from the same place as you, and that this group can make you very happy and that it’s a great group of friends to have, it’s sort of a shame to move across the globe (or the same country) and miss out on what the local culture and community has to offer.  So, I urge you to experience the best of all worlds!

I do advocate that you should try and find communities to be part of – as an American in another country, you can just as easily connect with an Irish, French, or German community, for example, as with other American expats.  It’s important when adapting to a new place to keep a little of the old, but also to welcome in the new!  And, again, if you’re repatriating, keeping a connection to the culture you just left by joining, say, a local group of French, Japanese, etc. is a great way to transition back to your old culture!

* For more ideas on how to adjust to a new culture, make friends, and more, check out The Relocation Success System! *

Another way to take care of yourself during hard times, or take a break from a rut is to walk in nature.  Whether that’s a park, or something other, the point is to step into it. I’d suggest brining a journal with you as you never know what epiphanies you’ll have and you won’t want to miss the opportunity to right them down!

In Part One of my recent meditation retreat, I shared some of my learnings from my “inward journey”. As promised there, I’m now going to let you know about a scary hike in the woods that ended up being very insightful!  I was told the hike was beautiful, and there were a few people who had gone walking a few minutes ahead of me, so I figured I’d catch up to them and share the journey.

Instead, I ended up alone, lost, and scared out of my mind! Sometimes, however, fear can be an excellent teacher.

First, the path did not lead where I expected.  I was told it circled the property, but the property soon disappeared, and I found myself walking in the exact  opposite direction, with twists and turns leading me further and further away. This made me panic and I contemplated returning back to the familiar before I got lost. Especially because it started snowing, no one was in site ahead of me, and I feared that the snow would cover the path I was trying to follow and assumed the journey back would be quicker than the one ahead of me.

I got lost in my worries. “If I get lost out here, if it gets too dark to see, will anyone come looking for me? Am I safe out here all alone? Why can’t I find the other hikers, did I take a wrong turn? When will this darn path head in the right direction?  What if it doesn’t?” I soon heard a noise, a branch snapping, and stopped cold. I looked up and saw 6 or 7 deer prancing deep into the woods in the distance, white tails raised behind them. I made a mental note that worrying so much keeps me from being aware of the beauty around me.

the woods were beautiful, gentle snowfall, alone, undisturbed trees standing guard.

The path continued to twist and turn in unexpected directions. I hoped it would lead someplace.

I realized I’m uncomfortable and afraid when wandering aimlessly. Afraid of being lost, and not reaching my goals. I had to push beyond my fear since my goal (the end of the path) was nowhere in sight.

Then I figured the path had to lead somewhere. It had an end. Just maybe not where I expected.

Soon thereafter, I saw a house. I didn’t care who’s house, it was an end to my path! I got closer and saw it was the house in which I was staying, phew! But when I arrived, I noticed I had the choice to follow the path towards it, or to plod onward. I chose the adventure and soon found myself between the house, and the temple on the property. I stood between them and realized that everything around me was the same, but I felt more brave and empowered. So, I ventured onto a small path, a “Meditation Path” I hadn’t noticed before.

I braved ice and twice had to take a literal leap of faith, from a rock, onto snow-covered ground which I didn’t know if it was firm, had ice underneath, or was inches deep. I ended up on my feet both times.

Here’s what I took away from my experience, and the comparisons I saw in a relocation experience:

1. I am afraid when I am in the unknown and feel lost.
2. Sometimes, things don’t go as expected, but following a path can lead to enriching experiences.
3. When panic struck, I immediately wanted to return to the familiar. (When you relocate and feel homesick or depressed, you may yearn for home, what you know, the escape…)
4. When I get stuck worrying and focus so much on life’s problems, I miss the beautiful things around me. (When you focus on all that’s going wrong in your experience, you’re probably not even noticing what’s going right.)
5. I persisted and found my way home, which made me feel inspired. (Often times, if you stay put and brave the journey ahead, you end up stronger for the experience.)
6. I chose a new path.  Courage leads to inspiration!
7. I took two leaps of faith and landed on solid ground, slipping once, but holding my ground, and realized I’m ok! (Relocating is, in it’s own way, a leap of faith. You may slip along the way, but you can find a way to make it work.)

* Research what nearby opportunities you have to walk or spend time in nature. *
** Want to learn more about Kadampa meditation retreats? Visit www.kadampa.org **

I’m in the middle of a two-part vacation, and thought I’d share my experiences with you.

One of the things I advocate after you relocate, especially if you’re feeling depressed, or homesick, is to take care of yourself in a meaningful way. I treated myself to a partially silent meditation retreat at Kadampa Buddhist center the past few days, and it was phenomenal!

I didn’t know anything about Buddhism prior to this retreat, nor had I ever done a silent retreat, so everything was brand new. I spent several days at a retreat house “in the middle of nowhere” sharing a house with other retreaters, and Buddhist nuns and monks.  I did a combination of personal meditations, and a few shared ones, and dined on home-cooked, delicious vegetarian meals which somehow filled me up after only a few delicious bites. I enjoyed the time meeting new friends, and also amused at how some of the nuns and monks enjoyed hot sauce so their food. I nicknamed one of the monks “macho monk” as his name was especially difficult to remember! 

My experience in this wonderful community was somewhat like a cross-cultural experience, too. I met people from many different countries. I spent time getting to know monks and nuns and how they live their daily lives, what they believe in, what they wear, who they were before becoming ordained, learning about their values, etc.

Here are a few other  things I learned:

1. spending time in silence is not as scary or as difficult as it may sound. In fact, it was one of the most beneficial experiences I’ve ever had.
2. you do not have to shave your head or convert to a new religion to go on a retreat!
3. we think a lot about the junk food we eat and fill our bodies with, but we are often blind, deaf and dumb when it comes to what we fill our mind with.
4. you can learn a lot about yourself when you take the time to reflect, commit to leave your computer behind, go someplace where there is no cell phone service, and no noise!
5. worrying about problems serves no purpose – if a problem can be fixed, there’s no need to worry.  If it’s not fixable, then worrying won’t help. (This was a quote in my room, though the author was not mentioned, but I thought it was superb!)
6. watching snowflakes fall, I likened them to “the path of least resistance”. I never noticed before how when the wind is gentle, they all blow about on different paths, turning without hesitation when the wind changes direction, and each ending up in its own unique end.  It’s like they comfortably drift along, enjoying the ride, knowing they will reach their destination. (And if only I could achieve that ease one day!)

Our teacher, called Gen Samten, made a wonderful comparison of a vacation and a meditation retreat.  He said, when you go on vacation, you always get “PVDS” – Post-Vacation-Depression-Syndrome(!) but returning from a retreat, you come back with more insight.

Another quote I came across in a book by Geshe Kelsang Gyatso that I loved is this, “…we are just as likely to develop the qualities that really matter – such as wisdom, patience, and compassion – through our failures as through our successes.”

I wanted to share a bit of my experience (trying not to babble on or bore you!) to make the point that time away from all your perceived problems is an excellent way to focus inward, to find out what you really desire, what you really need, and it helps you return home with some changed perceptions that may help you improve whatever is most driving you crazy or making you angry. Perhaps Buddhism is not for you, or perhaps you don’t have a retreat facility nearby (by the way, this type of retreat is EXTREMELY inexpensive) or you don’t like the idea of sharing a bathroom, but if you have your own way to spend a few days “unplugged” in an unfamiliar environment, I highly recommed it.

Stay tuned for Part Two of my experience – “a hike from hell” that taught me some valuable lessons!

* Want more ideas on finding activities and taking care of yourself? Check out The Personal Success Method! *

I’ve mentioned before that I love cows, though another truth is, I love animals.  If you’re looking for a fun activity after relocating, a local zoo or animal farm is another great way to spend part of a day (presuming, of course, tht you like animals.)

However, in addition to passing the time, animals can also teach you some valuable lessons.  This past weekend, I had the pleasure of visiting several animals, and the experience reminded me a bit of transitioning to another culture! (Bear with me….oops, pun intended…)

I started the day with a visit to an Alpaca farm in Upstate New York.  Sadly, for me, Alpacas are not the friendliest of animals

and didn’t seem interested in being pet.  However, as I stood among them, I realized that I was in their “world”;  I had entered their space.  This fact really hit me when I whipped out my iPhone to take the pictures you see here, and when I turned to my left, I found myself staring at a very long, black neck and a huge pair of dark eyes.  (Sadly, I was too shocked and frozen to take a photo!)  With me being, umm, vertically-challenged, the Alpaca towered over me and I wasn’t sure whether it would eat me or spit on me, but it seemed very interested in my iPhone.  Soon thereafter, another Alpaca (who apparently has arthritis, so I felt like we had an instant bond as I do, too!) approached me, and I just remained as calm as possible, while also terrified, and stifling a laugh because so many feelings ran through me at once.

I had no idea what to do.  I was a bit terrified, and figured any sudden moves would be a bad idea, and yet I also wanted to try and pet them, but figured that would be equally poor on the idea list, in case they got upset with me.  So, I let them sniff me, and then they moved on.

It’s funny, but when you move to a new place, some of your initial experiences can feel like this.  It’s a bit terrifying to be surrounded by unfamiliar people, unfamiliar buildings, and unfamiliar experiences.  You may get stuck as you try and figure out what to do to adapt to your new surroundings.  And, sometimes it’s best to give people around you the chance to welcome you, and show you proper etiquette than to just “barge in”, and try to “force” your ways on them by, shall we say, proverbally petting them.

After the Alpaca farm, I visited my cousin’s horse farm.  It was like changing countries in fifteen minutes.  The horses, after a brief “check me out and make sure I’m not a threat” period were exceptionally affectionate.  They loved having their cheeks massaged, and they also seemed hopeful that my hands might also be edible, and there was a lot of sniffing.

But, again, I had that same experience where I felt a bit like a stranger in a strange land.  Now, the friendliness of the horses made me feel very welcome, and at ease.  I know that whenever I’ve lived or traveled abroad, the people that were the most

welcoming, friendly, and interested in me, are the ones with whom I wanted to spend the most time, and with whom I had a sense of feeling at home. 

Finally, I got to play with my cousin’s dog who was a very loving new friend. For me, friendly dogs just make all of life’s little troubles melt away.  So, if you’re feeling down, and not too allergic, you might seriously want to consider spending some time with a friendly dog or cat.  I’m not sure why, but they seem to have the power to make whatever is bugging you seem insignificant.

Here are the takeaways from all my experiences this past weekend:

1. Visiting animals is a great activity, if you’re in need of ideas.
2. If you do go to a park, zoo, or elsewhere, notice how it feels to be in “their world” – try to pay attention to how you act, and react to them. 
3. You’ll learn your natural tendencies to unfamiliar situations, and perhaps figure out a couple of things you can change to attract more people to you. 
4. Try petting a dog or a cat if you are having a “down day”.  If you don’t own one, see if there might be a local shelter where you can volunteer your time to pet animals, or, perhaps you have a friend with a pet who will let you come over.
5. If you got a chuckle out of this post, you might also enjoy my earlier post about What Cows Can Teach Us About Relocating

* Want more ideas on adjusting to a new place, learning a new language, and fitting in? Check out The Personal Success Method! *

The holiday season is upon us! Wherever you may be, there is sure to be something happening to celebrate.

Shown here are balloons inflated the night before the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade in New York. There is a tradition I’ve never done before where you can watch them being inflated and get right next to them the night prior. It was a fun experience and there were lots of smiles all around.

Make sure to keep your eyes open for holiday markets, holiday activities like local concerts or gatherings and have fun. There’s no shortage of things to do!

One of the challenges that can occur after relocating is figuring out what activities are available, and how to go about finding them. Often times, though, it could be as simple as exploring a place you haven’t before, and then asking!

This past weekend, I had the delight of trying a tea house in Manhattan – Radiance Tea House and Books. Our host, Dan, was one of the friendliest people I have ever met. He seemed to either know all the clientele (indicating there are a lot of regulars) or else spoke to everyone like a cherished friend, certainly giving everyone the desire to return sometime soon.

The food was unbelievably good, as was the incredible selection of tea. So, I asked Dan if they

ever hold any workshops or classes, and, indeed they do! Now, I’ve heard of a wine-tasting, but tea-tastings are much less common. If you’ve never done one, I highly recommend it. What’s nice about the way Radiance Tea House offers them is that it’s in a class setting, so you’re more likely to meet other people, rather than going to a tea place and doing your own tasting.

The other activity they offer is a Tea Ceremony. This is another more unusual activity that you probably don’t come across on your average day. In fact, there are probably many activities around you, but if you’re intent on doing things that are familiar to you, you are most definitely missing out on opportunities to learn something new, and to meet new people.

What’s important for you to take away is that-

1. wherever in the world you are, when feeling bored, or unable to find new activities, you must make an effort to try new places – even if you have to take out a guide-book in a city you think you know pretty well.
2. If you find someplace you like, speak with the host, waiter, or owner and ask them if they give any classes – here it was about tea, but if you’re in a restaurant, it could be that they offer cooking class. (I’ve actually come across one such place in New York, Camaje, and it was a fantastic experience!) If you’re in a museum, perhaps it’s a unique tour, or a drawing class, etc.
3. Activities come in all “shapes, colors and sizes”. The more open you are to trying something you’ve never done before, the more likely you’ll find things to do.
4. The key is, seek out new things, and ask questions!
5. Check out my Personal Strategies Method eBook for more helpful ideas and strategies to find activities you love and more after moving.

Today I participated in my first Petanque competition! It was a fantastic experience – since joining this club a couple of weeks ago, I’ve made a few new friends, and today met about 20 more! The day was spent with great people, good food, and I made it to the Quarter Finals!

Thinking about the experience, I realize that there are many components that go into why joining a club is so helpful when you relocate -

1. it allows me to pursue an interest
2. it allows me to build up skills in something I enjoy doing
3. I get to meet wonderful people that I might not otherwise have met
4. By competing, I got to challenge myself, and come away with a sense of accomplishment – something that, personally, makes me feel inspired to do more!

These are just a few reasons, but I hope you get the idea – joining clubs is an excellent thing to do in order to meet new people after you relocate!

For those of you living in New York, or planning to visit in the next couple of weeks – it’s that glorious time of year again – RESTAURANT WEEK!  This is a double-whammy – first, you get to eat lunch or dinner at some of the best restaurants in town for a fraction of the cost ($24.07 for lunch, $35 for dinner) AND with everyone out of town in the Hamptons at the weekend, your chances of getting a reservation increase dramatically!

I ate at Jean-Georges’ Nougatine this week and it was fantastic.  I got in last minute, at 10pm, and had a fantastic 5-course meal, and even saw Martha Stewart!

Wherever you live – make sure to stay plugged in to local city events.  These are a great way to get to know a new place after relocating, and you never know who you’ll run into or meet.

While on the subject of how to cure the “boredom blues”, one of my favorite places to visit in any country is the zoo!  If you live near one, or can easily travel to one, this is such a great way to fill a day with a fun activity, and usually appeals to all ages.

Shown here is a photo from the New York City zoo – though tiny, we just got a snow leopard!  Even if you’re not completely intrigued with the animals, the kids will make you laugh – while standing by the window, watching this snow leopard walk on the rocks above us, a kid next to me yelled, “Hey, get over here! You’re supposed to walk near the glass so we can see you!”

And, for you iPhone buffs – this photo was taken with my iPhone, and then I used the Photogene App to crop and brighten it – I’m pretty impressed!

When you’ve either lived someplace for a long time, or, you’ve run out of the obvious things to do, hunting for “hidden treasures” is a fantastic experience.

You know what I mean – you’ve done all the touristy stuff, you’ve gone to the parks, taken some classes, and you’re feeling a bit bored, and out of ideas.  So, go someplace you’ve never been, or never considered going.  These are the off-the-beaten track places that aren’t always mentioned in the guidebooks, or, the ones you don’t notice.

Shown here are two little places I found this weekend in New York, that I had never been to before – a fountain haven at the Frick Museum, and a lovely lunchtime treat at The Asia Society. Each one is a museum, yet they both offered these hidden, and quiet, locations to take in serenity and beauty.  As you can see, both are very “un-New York” spots.

So, next time you’re out of ideas, go treasure-spot hunting – as you can see, even a museum you may have visted in past could offer a secluded spot waiting to be discovered!