Fresh back from my vacation in France, I had a good laugh at a few cultural differences that highlight some of the key differences between our cultures.

In America, when it comes to service, we tend to be very helpful and forthcoming with information. There is a “Yes I can” attitude (though economic woes are changing that a bit).

In France, however, one should always brace for “non” as in “no, it’s not possible”, and often, information is only obtained, if it is asked for. As an example, I traveled back from France via London and was unsure whether I needed to do my detaxe/VAT refund in Paris or in London. So, I waited on line for the refund in Paris. The gentleman with customs who helped me, informed me that since England was to be the last country I was in prior to trraveling to the US, I should do the refund there. “Are you sure?” I inquired. (Yes, I really did dispute the customs agent’s information!)

“Yes,” he replied, “even though they don’t use the Euro, you have to do it there.”

“I just don’t want them to tell me I should have done it in France,” I implored.

“No problem,” he replied.

At this point, I could have walked away, thinking I had the right information, gotten on my flight, and seen what happened. Instead, I thought to ask, “One last question – as the customs agent will need to see the items I bought, and they are in my luggage with me now, which will be checked, and unavailable, when I get to London, do I still do the refund there?”

“Ah, non,” came the reply, “in this case,m as an exception, you must do it in Paris.”

The other fun part of customer service is, well, the lack of it. I upgraded to Buisness Class, and was sent to a special check-in area – “the speedy check-in” counter, available only for firstt class passengers. Ironically, it was packed – as packed as economy check-in. And, there were only 2 check-in agents available, one of whom was being trained. With only one hour till my flight, I realized I’d miss it. So, I approached another agent, inquiring whether I should worry. She replied, “No, madame, everyone on line with you has their flight in one hour as well.”

“So, then, my flight won’t leave wihtout me?” And this was my favorite part. She replied, “A priori, non” which basically means, “probably not.” She then told me to be patient.

Ironically, within 5 minutes, 6 more check-in agents appeared from thin air, getting us through check-in within moments.

I find the best thing you can do when traveling abroad or living abroad is to try an understand the mentality around service, and learn to leverage it. If I had screamed at the agent to get more check-in representatives, I’m quite sure she would have turned away and ignored me. By understanding that in France, for example, you will often encounter “non” as an answer to many requests for service, especially at an airport or government office, you can then learn how to get to “yes” by keeping calm.

Building on my last post about the growth in our knowledge of foreign languages, another concept that fascinates me is acronyms.  In American (yes, I am distinguishing American and English as those of you who are British out there, I’m sure agree needs to be done!) I am used to a plethora of 3 and 4 letter acronyms that pervade my life. 

There are the ones that represent organizations and places, such as “The Met” for The Metropolitan Museum of Art, but I’m referring more to the ones that have woven their way into our language and pop up, especially, in text messages, Instant Messages, emails, and so forth.

For example, LOL = Lots of Laughter, LMAO = Laughing My Ass Off.  TMI = Too Much Information….and the list goes on.

So, I don’t know why I should have been so amused, but when my French host family came for a visit, I was introduced to some of their acronyms which are used in the same vein.  It’s this bizarre experience where our languages have something very much in common, but yet, I had a bit of a giggle when they used expressions in French.  Here is one such example.

Camille, one of the 10-year old twin girls (my host niece), was holding my hand one evening as we walked to a restaurant for dinner.  She was hungry and a bit impatient, and asked me how much further we had to walk until we arrived at dinner. 

I responded, “Oh, Camille, actually, we’re not going to dinner right now.  I wanted you to see New York at night, so I’m going to walk you back and forth on every side street, till you’ve seen them all!  We should be done in a couple of days.”

Camille, who has the face of a darling angel, somehow managed to contort it into the perfect blend of synicism and devilish frustration and understanding, and popped out, in the perfect sarcastic tone, “Je meurs de rire.”  (I’m dying laughing.) 

After this phrase had been uttered the first time, I learned that it is referred to as “MDR”, and the remainder of our week contained the acronym “MDR” several times a day. 

Somehow, I feel like I got a little glimpse into a deeper understanding and knowledge of French language and culture, just with a new acronym.  A new phrase and acronym that I can pop out when someone in France tries to get the best of me.

A recent email exchange with my host sister went like this:

Me: “I have some very important news for you!  Remember that beer you introduced me to, Tripel Karmeliet?  I found it at a supermarket near my apartment for $3 less than we paid!”

My Host Sister: “Super!  Have a glass for us!”

Me: “I finished the whole bottle!”

My host sister: “MDR!”

So much can be said with so few words – bridging culture, experience, and friendship.

When moving to New York – especially Manhattan – finding a place to live is one of the most challenging experiences you will ever have!  Not only do you have to learn new terminology (junior 4, studio…), but there are areas to learn, subway stops, decisions on whether to rent or buy, and whether or not to have a doorman or live in a walk-up, to name a few.

I recently had the pleasure of meeting Sarah Gorenstein, a self-named “chick from the UK” who, herself, went through the entire process of relocating from the UK to New York where she followed her spouse, started a family, learned the ropes, and now has her own business helping expats to find the perfect apartment in Manhattan or Scarsdale.  Sarah not only understands your adjustment woes, she is an expert at helping you find the right place to live, and opening you to housing opportunities you may not have considered.

Learn more about Sarah at http://www.halstead.com/agent.aspx?id=SFG

If you find yourself relocating alone and feel lonely or on your own, I cannot recommend enough the power of a local restaurant offering the possibility of dining at the bar.

For some reason, Japanese restaurants offer the most welcoming of bar dining experiences in many places I have traveled. Not only do you of course get to enjoy watching the sushi chefs preparing meals, but you’re very likely to find either another lone diner, or else other people very open to a conversation outside their party.

I found myself alone for dinner one recent evening in San Francisco, so chose a recommended Japanese place (Sanraku, if you are in the area!) and sat at the bar. At some point into my meal, I ended up meeting two gentlemen at the other end of the bar who were both well traveled and multi-lingual, so we had much in common, and much to share.

The beauty of this is that you stop focusing on feeling alone because you are instantly connected to other people. Even if you don’t end up the best of friends, or ever speak or see one another again, this is a wonderful way to surround yourself with the possibility of shifting from lonely thoughts to being more connected.

I recently met a wonderful Australian woman spending time in California. Though she was only spending about a week there, she was noticing that she had to repeat herself several times in order to be understood to most people.

One of the things I think few people prepare for, when moving to another country where people speak the “same language”, say US to England, or Scotland, or Australia, etc, is that it’s not the same language at all!

Accents are difficult enough to have you realize “you’re not in Kansas anymore” and words that are basic to your vocabulary may become intolerably difficult to speak and hear. However words themselves may be vastly different in spelling or meaning or pronunciation. Consider:

Aluminum Foil vs Aluminium

Fag = cigarette in England, and is quite insulting in America

Some English speaking countries also bring in rhyming expressions you’ll never figure out without a good dictionary, like “Apples and Pears” for stairs, or “Sceptic Tanks” for Yanks!

So, if you’re planning a move to a country where you think things will be easy because the language is the same, you’ll be setting yourself up for quite a shock. Instead, try spending some time before you move actually looking at dictionaries, or, better yet, speaking with people from that country to get used to the accent and words.

I recently re-did my Reiki Advanced Practitioner degree (loved it!) and learned a couple of great lessons.  In one of our meditations, it suddenly dawned on me that many of us worry about being on “the right path” and we “fear the unknown” and taking that leap of faith into it at various times in our life.

I myself am struggling with some issues in my own life (more in a future post), and fear of the unknown has kept me stuck in those areas.  What occured to me, however, is that there is a very valuable gift when we do jump into that unknown space – the gift of creation.  You see, it is from that empty space that we can begin to create what we want from ourselves – be it goals, dreams, relationships, etc.  In fact, it can be scary to realize how much creative power you have!  Though facing certain problems in your life may appear to you as leading to loneliness, a gap, a void, and any of the other words you use to describe the feeling you will have giving up something comfortable in exchange for a question mark, try to remember just how much wonderful joy and power live in the spaces we create to welcome them in.

Sometimes when you’re stuck in a rut, or feel a bit lost in a new place, one of the greatest things to do is something you haven’t before!

I was reminded of this recently when I took a Zumba class at the gym for the first time.  I got to move parts of me I had forgotten I had, my body loosened up, and it was exhillarating joy to dance to great music along with some great ladies.  The best part was that half the time I had no idea what I was doing, and nobody cared!  Having been in so many classes where everyone has to get the move just right, this was such a release and relief from perfection and much appreciated.

So, the next time you feel stuck, or lost, just go out into your neighborhood, or your gym, and try something you’ve never experienced before.  It goes a long way towards reviving your spirits.

The crisis in Egypt reminds me how difficult it is to be an Expat, living away from home, during a time of unrest, and worried about the safety of loved ones still there.  I remember being stuck in Australia on September 11th.  I will never forget it, and the feelings of helplessness that go along with being far from home, and unable to know if family and close friends are ok.

Even if your Expat experience is going very well, moments like this can throw you for a loop.  You can’t predict them, and if you don’t have a way to stay in reliable contact with loved ones, and you can’t be with them, you may feel homesick.

So, what do you do to handle times like this?  Here are a few suggestions, and feel free to add your own -

• If you are able to connect with anyone from home, make immediate plans and backup plans, on how best to communicate.  Get clear information on whether or not telephones, cell phones, internet connection, etc are available to them, and what their emergency plans are.
• If you can’t connect with anyone from home, make a list of other friends and family you have in other places, and reach out to them to see if they have heard from your loved ones.  If they have, ask them to keep you informed should they hear anything further.
• See if there is a local Embassy, Consulate, Meetup Group or any other kind of formal gathering of people from your home nation.  Join their events to connect with other people sharing the same concerns as you, and to stay up-to-date on events.
• Monitor your stress and make sure you find an outlet for it

One of those “small” things that makes a big difference in feeling at home is being a regular.  What I mean by that is, maybe you get your newspaper in the same spot every day, or take a coffee at the same cafe – basically, by frequenting the same place as a paying customer, the store owner or an employee gets so used to seeing you that they might say hello, ask how your day was, or have a conversation with you.

I was reminded of this essential strategy recently.  At the risk of divulging how much I LOVE wine (especially red, and especially Malbec at the moment), I went to the same old liquor store I go to whenever I need something.  Over the holidays, I happened to have a coupon, saving me 20% off any 6 bottles of wine (all gone now!) and treated myself to some Bailey’s Irish Cream, and also got a gift for a few family members who love Tanquerray!  So, when I walked in recently to replace my empty bottle of my new favorite Malbec (by La Madrid, in case you wanted to know!) I sadly learned they were out.  So, one of the employees who happened to help me over the holidays, suggested another bottle.  He brought me to the cash register and, because he knows I shop there a lot, gave me a 10% discount without my asking!

Now, it’s not just the discount, that was a nice bonus, but the point is, because I’m a regular customer at this neighborhood store, one of the managers happens to greet me when I enter, offer to help me, and is exceptionally kind.  Even in a neighborhood I know well, I know how valuable  this level of contact can be to feel “known”.  Now, I’m not saying you need to get lots of alcohol (!), but I am saying, whatever you buy habitually, try to find a place you like, and, after a move, go there as much as possible as one strategy to feel a little more at home.

My mom and I recently had lunch at an Asian restaurant on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.  When I say Asian, I mean they have Chinese, Japanese, and Thai food!  (It’s delicious, too.)  The staff seemed all Asian to me, but the diners were a blend of probably many different nationalities.

After we paid our bill, we put on our winter coats.  Our table was not cleared off yet, and I was still using my chair as I slowly dressed for the cold weather.  To exit, I had to turn away from our table, walk down an aisle and then over to the doorway.  However, when I turned from my table (which still had remnants of our meal),  I found myself standing face-to-face with an elderly Chinese woman.  She wanetd my seat, and made some hand gesture AT me, which I inferred meant I was a horrible human being for not immediately getting out of her way.  The woman behind her, whom I presume was her daughter, told her mother something, and her mother then pushed by me to get to the table behind me.

The experience made me wonder about expectations we all might or should have when crossing cultures.  Here I was, eating in an Asian restaurant, in the Upper East Side of New York, in America.  I am not an expert on Chinese culture, but I do believe hierarchy is much more prominent as is the concept of respect and obedience for your elders.  I imagine, were I to dine in China, I might be expected to show honor and respect for elders in a restaurant in some specific fashion.  But, here in New York, should the same be expected of me?  Am I rude for not getting out of the way?  Does she have the right to expect me to honor her cultural values outside her country?  Now, I would say, had I been in Chinatown, which is very much like a mini China where you can easily not see a word of English for blocks on end, I might not have been so surprised.  But, on the Upper East Side?  Or, is New York such a mix of diverse cultures that we are all entitled to our expectations to the point that we will no doubt encounter cultural clashes every day?

I don’t know that there is a right or a wrong answer, but I found the concept very intriguing.  What are your thoughts?